I can’t talk abt anything

Okay so I’m very sure I have add or adhd and either depression and/or anxiety but I can’t talk to anyone about it my friends and brother tell me to stop looking for attention and they just don’t know I’m trying to get help and I just wish that I could talk to someone, and I can’t talk to a therapist for some fucking stupid reason, and I feel like I would be better off killing myself because I am failing or getting shit grades in all of my classes. I live in Canada, and I have to take French immersion because my parent won’t let me go out of it and I’ve been thinking about just dropping of French immersion because if I get yelled at its not that bad but even then, I will still most likely get shitty marks and I just know I will never amount to anything in life the only thing keeping me alive right now is my girlfriend. She is my world and if I ever lost her I would most likely be gone from this world and be in hell or I have been thinking of running away but I live where there are no cities for 3 hours of driving so I might try my luck next summer when it is warmer or I might kill myself I saw online that starving yourself is a pretty effective way with barely any pain but seeing as I live with my mom I would not be able to do that and I will try to post daily updates here about how I am doing and such and how I am feeling and what I am doing and next time I do go to my dad’s I will ask if I he can try to convince my mom to let me get a therapist.