guilt.

I feel like i fucked up. Things haven’t been easy lately and i’m very aware that it’s not an excuse. I tried a “drug” recently it’s not an actual drug but it’s a household object that can get you high. I introduced it to one of my siblings while i was on it because honestly i was selfish and wanted to keep doing it that day. I haven’t really touched it since due to the guilt. It’s just hard because she’s a few years younger than i am. I want to confide in someone i know with this information but i’m too afraid they’ll lecture me or just get mad and judge me. It’s not like i’m not in the wrong for what i’ve done either but i don’t want to be looked at any differently. I’m glad i can come here and talk about this. I just want to be heard and listened to maybe even a response yk. I know i made an incredibly stupid decision. There’s no excuse for my actions either. I just want to hear a “hey it’s okay yk shit happens” but it’s not even the first time i introduced her to a substance that wasn’t good. She was 14 when i first introduced her to acid. Fucking acid. God i was so fucking stupid and i feel like she is addicted to it but nobody around her is telling her to stop. So i’m not even just pissed at myself. I’m pissed at them. I want to fucking yell at them for doing it with her but am i any different? I’m not because i introduced her to it and now she has plugs and knows where to get it. And yes i get it’s her decision she’s in control of herself but i wish i could just prevent her from making the same stupid decisions i made. i don’t want to witness her hit rock bottom just to stop doing that shit because i know sometimes rock bottom isn’t enough.