As I’m writing this I don’t want any consolation from anybody. I know that I’m a terrible and worthless person perhaps all I want is for somebody, anybody just anyone to read this. I’m 16 year old. I live with my parents. I think about suicide everyday. I feel like the most worthless piece of junk on this earth, ive never heard my parents being happy about anything since I was like 11. I feel very alone as well, I don’t have any friends in real life and although I do have online friends I don’t feel comfortable enough to talk to them about my feelings in any way, I always listen but if it’s my turn to talk about how I feel I would rather stay quiet. Reason is simply just that I’m afraid what they might think about me and that I also I am unsure about how I feel. I don’t think I’ve ever felt truly happy, loved or loved anyone ( I don’t think I’m capable of love) or if what I’m feeling right now is sadness or not but deep down in me there is something that hurts me. Another reason for why I’m feeling alone is that even though I have younger siblings and older ones as well but the thing is I’m too young or too old for them to listen or understand me. We don’t even have anything in common. I don’t do good at school at all, I miss a lot of my classes but of course I always tell my parents. I go to school in next town so I have to take a bus there and my parents spend money on me all the time for that. I don’t deserve that. I don’t deserve anything from anybody. I also have a lots of bad thoughts in my head I don’t want to share because I think I’m ashamed of them. I don’t have anything in life that I’m passionate about as well, no hobbies, nothing. I do stuff of course like playing games, reading, listening to music but those aren’t hobbies. I think.
That is all. I already wrote a goodbye letter to my online friends and all that. I’m still unsure about whether or not to do it but there is really nothing left for a disappointment like me. I was a mistake and mistakes are made to be erased so I think I’ll just have to do that. Maybe deep down in me I don’t want to die and that’s why I’m writing this but I don’t know since I’m unsure about everything I’ve ever felt. Thank you kind stranger who read all of this.
1 comment
i feel you. i feel the exact same way. when i try to tell people about how i feel, they always deny it by saying, “you’re not”. but i am. i fucking am. in third grade, i was doing great at math. 🙂 but then i stopped putting in effort, and stopped putting myself out there because i knew i was embarrassing. ever since that year, my grades have gotten worse, and i’ve become dumber. heck, i just learned yesterday that men need their balls (and i’m 13)!! i have attempted suicide, and i’ve been thinking about it for the past 3 years. but ngl, it’s really hard. but–try to find the good in your life. ik its hard (and i really cant) but put yourself out there. try to focus in class, even when you can’t.