To put it simply, I feel lost. I feel disconnected from the world I’m in and the people around me. Even from people I would call my closest friends. As selfish as it sounds, it makes me sad that I’m not a bigger part of someone’s life. And it hurts, it really hurts me. I feel like I was too slow to keep up with everyone I care about, and that I’ve been left behind.
The way I see things, I don’t really have a use for anyone anymore. I’ve spent so long identifying myself by being able to serve the needs of people I care about. If I can’t do that, if I can’t be useful to anyone or even make at least one person happy, then why am I still around? It’s not like I’m in college, or in a respected job or anything. I’m just here.
I’m so stupid. This is what happens when I’m up so late, I start thinking these things and I spiral downwards from there, and while I want to not believe it, I know everything I’ve just said is true. I just want to be needed, but nobody needs me and it’s tearing me apart.
3 comments
Maybe the person that needs you most at the moment is yourself?
I am needed atm because I am a mother, but sometimes I wish I had spent more time tending to my own wants and needs beforehand. Once I’m no longer needed I will be lost because I didn’t put proper time in with/for myself.
If you can try to treat yourself the way you would treat a loved one, you might feel a lot more fulfilled. Just an idea, and I’m sure it’s one you’ve heard before. I read something recently where a woman was saying she had begun to ‘check in’ with her wounded inner-child before doing stuff, asking how it would make her feel to do this/that and such. She said she is now becoming the source of compassion and love that inner-child was always missing/craving.
You’re not stupid. You just feel something crucial is missing. You can find it, but you may have to show yourself the same patience and compassion you would another.
You need you and that’s all that matters. You don’t need to be needed because you have you to be with, and that’s all that matters. Be a friend to yourself and embellish the notion of yourself as your friend. You don’t need anyone to be you. Your better off being just yourself, by yourself. Your friend is you, and cherish that. You will never leave yourself.
Don’t know if this helps, but there’s a whole theory around suicide that people who do it feel like a burden and like they don’t belong.
I’m writing this to tell you you are far from alone in feeling like this.
I feel like this. I want to be of use to others, but at the same time I fear I don’t have the energy, just thinking about it exhausts me. And what about my own needs?
Maybe this is a common dilemma faced by modern humans living in a world that worships the individual?