And I’m the Titanic.
Things happen almost dailt to show me that my life needs to come to an end. Stupid me,I actually tried to daydream this weekend about possible making it to Australia this spring,and putting my date off until then(having one more happy time LOL).
Then today,my work life implodes. My BF is pressuring me(basically threatened to leave me) to do this DBT 6 week program,which screws up my work schedule. My sort-of boss(well,not really-Im a homecare RN and shes my pts mom) was encouraging,b/c i used to talk to her about things. Now,shes been giving me a hard time about how Im messing up her schedule,messing up her other child schedule,and she resents me for it b/c Im doing it for him,not me. She also pointed out that I messed up her life b/c I went with a second nursing agency(not her original one) b/c that agency offered benefits,and again,my BF encouraged me to do this. She was trying to work out a schedule for me today and was hinting at me to do overtime and only have one day a week off….said “someone has to bear the brunt of this…” but IM FUCKING TIRED. I’ve done 50 hr weeks for TWO MONTHS to help her out,and all i ask for is a little time for somethign for me. It shouldnt matter WHY Im doing it.
She already had me put off the start of the program by a week,so that i didnt “screw up” her hubbys vacation. Not to mention that two weeks ago,they came home an hour late EVERY night,and caused me to miss an appt with my (useless) therapist one evening,who charged me $70 for missing it.
I tried to vent to my BF,and he just yelled at me and said I presented the whole thing to her wrong,and I should basically just say “Oh i know i need this,Im so screwed up.” He wanted me to grovel to make her happy.
Im so sick of feeling like i am an inconvenience to everyone,and I should spent my life apologizing/kissing ass to justify my existence.
When I die,its going to be for ME. I can’t wait.