I wanna die but I’m fomo

I type this while walking home after my mom decided to get into it with me in the car AGAIN except this time  it’s an hour away from home.  She has this thing of always saying something bad to me while we in the car cause then I can’t go no where or walk away which I normally do cause I know I will have a mental breakdown when I tell her to stop and she doesn’t, let’s talk about this recent incident. Yesterday before she left for work she randomly comes to my room and told me call me later I have to tell you something. I called her and then she goes you can’t go to school no more and until you get your act together and I asked her what do you mean and she didn’t have a relevant answer for me so I hanged up the phone. This morning I got dressed up for classes so she can drop me off at my bus stop which is a 45 minute walk, since I started school she always drop me off but today she was arguing with me saying I left the house late that I walk to go to the gym why can’t I walk to the bus stop for school, I’m like school is timed I walk to the gym cause no one is waiting for me there I can’t be late I get there whenever I want and she was just raining cusses at me calling me names like drug addict cause I smoke weed, she is the reason I started smoking in the first place it’s an escape from what she is trying to put me through. I told her COUNTLESS time to stop but she wouldn’t and kept going so I told her I was going to crash the car I was the one driving and she told me crash it, there was a gazebo and I planed on running into it but the curb stopped me then I got out the walk and started my walking and as I was taking my hour walk I thought about cutting myself which I typically do when she does something to hurt me I have also thought about killing myself but I can’t I have way too many plans, I got so much clothes this summer I have so much places I wanna try, I’m going to pride for the first time this year there is just too much I gotta do, I can’t kill myself but I am so tempted and I don’t know what to do, things get better is bullshit and by the way I made it home long hour but it was worth it and I was able to clear my mind, I’m just going to relax and just be in my headspace today thank you for listening to my rant.