people don’t understand how hard it is to survive. to live, not for someone else but for yourself. people say that you shouldn’t live for yourself but that is what everyone does because that’s what it means to be human-it means to be selfish. but what about people like me who don’t even want to live but do for the people around them, the few people who would blame themselves for my death. and also there’s my cowardness, the feeling that what is everyone going to think after i die?
i’m not lazy, i just have a certain amount of energy and right now i’m using it all just to survive.
i try to distract myself from all thses thoughts but then people say that you shouldn’t distract yourself. well then what the fuck am i supposed to do? die? huh i wish i could but i am just a fucking coward who can’t even do that.
1 comment
Yeah, it is hard to survive for one self..
It’s alright to distracting yourself.. that’s what I do, most of the day. It is a better solution that suicide for sure.
the downside is that it can become a pretty hard to kick habit. I know, I collect them.. I call them addictions.
computer use , scrapping metals and electronics to distract me from boredom, porn chat and forums to distract me from loneliness, alcohol to distracting myself from a shit life overall..
I guess it’s fine temporarily but, if it becomes your whole life, it’ll take a lot more effort to get out of it, which isn’t the end of the world I guess, but try not to do what I do.
trying to imagine what people will think when you’re dead is pretty typical I think, I do it quite often, don’t think it’s a coward thing to do tbh..
It is hard for people who were never depressed to understand depressed people, that’s for sure.. just don’t take it too personal.. I know it’s easier said than done but, eh
be well