i was already bad enough to begin with but you just love to make it worse. i wish i never met you and i wish you would just stop and leave me alone. i keep telling you that you’re only making things worse but that does nothing, do you find joy out of making me miserable?
i don’t feel like myself anymore. i don’t know how to love anymore. i don’t know what to think. you messed my head and my heart up. you were the only person i truly loved and you stabbed me in the back multiple times. i would’ve done anything for you, i would’ve taken my life for yours. i guess you don’t see that.
i hate you so much i don’t even know how to explain it. you turned me into a person i told myself id never be. I’m turning to drugs and I’m becoming violent, i was never like this before i met you. I’m getting into trouble with police and my parents are threatening to disown me. before, i still had a sense of awareness and myself, now i have no idea who i am and what I’m doing. i know i just sound like a stupid teenager going through a breakup, but this was my first ever relationship and it just ruined my view of people. you lied to me telling me you loved me. you told me to leave you alone and stop touching you and stop expressing myself. you disrespected me multiple times and my family too. you treated me like shit and called it “love”, but the whole time you were into other girls. i don’t know what i did to you to deserve this because all i wanted was the best for you and us. i say i hate you but deep down i still love you. i love you too much. maybe its my fault and i was too much for you. i just wish you’d leave me alone. please. idk why you feel obligated to keep reaching out to me when i keep blocking you over and over again you just find another way to make my life more miserable. words cant explain whats going through my head every time i think of you. you make me sick to my stomach. I’ve tried killing myself many times because of you, and for some reason you were proud. like you were proud that you had so much power and control over me. you’re a genuinely shitty person and i lied to myself too many times saying you’re just young and dumb. you already knew my past with boys and you found it funny to do me worse. ill never feel enough for anybody ever again. you make me feel like there will always be another girl and I’m just not worth the time and effort. i cant even look at myself in the mirror anymore because all i see on myself is the way you’ve violated me. you make me wish i was someone else.
i don’t have the energy to send this to you and argue with you so I’m putting it up here. you’ll never know how i truly feel.