My self is disappearing again. I want to cut myself so bad. Just to see if my blood is still pure. It’s the only thing that brings me back to reality. If I were ever cut myself and see that my blood is impure, I would kill myself.
I’m interested in what the fear is, because whatever that fear is that’s the thing driving this cycle. To me it’d be the fear you need to face. The loss of self is a protective act, what is it protecting from?
If these aren’t answers you’re ready to face, I’d seek outside help. There are medications that can make it less bad, no therapy required (though it does help.)
Blood is, well, blood. Seeing it reminds me that I’m still human. Seeing my own blood flow out has brought me back to my senses before because it’s my life blood, reminds me of my family etc., idk. I feel corrupted and seeing lush, vibrant and rich blood come out calms me. It’s like reassurance. Letting the pain out manually. If one day I cut myself and my blood somehow looked ugly, I’d probably want to die.
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I’m interested in what the fear is, because whatever that fear is that’s the thing driving this cycle. To me it’d be the fear you need to face. The loss of self is a protective act, what is it protecting from?
If these aren’t answers you’re ready to face, I’d seek outside help. There are medications that can make it less bad, no therapy required (though it does help.)
What is “pure blood” and what is “impure blood”?
Blood is, well, blood. Seeing it reminds me that I’m still human. Seeing my own blood flow out has brought me back to my senses before because it’s my life blood, reminds me of my family etc., idk. I feel corrupted and seeing lush, vibrant and rich blood come out calms me. It’s like reassurance. Letting the pain out manually. If one day I cut myself and my blood somehow looked ugly, I’d probably want to die.