ohoy ig, I probably shouldn’t be doing this here but I feel safer here so apologies.
My favorite person, some who I have been able to connect to the most irl is leaving, we probably wont see each other ever again after this year and i don’t want that, i was not feeling terrible about myself and the world with them and if he leaves what do I do, think probably and thinking is bad, doing maths and physics wont take my mind off whatever it has been wanting to say “nihilism is back” and the “my life is a video game” wont work since I do is work and i hate it, no more plot armor.
sure i have his contacts but I don’t know how to talk, when, how, how do i keep talking how can we still see each other “hope we will still be friends after this” and I don’t think I will be able to and it is so stupid to be worked up about this guy and go to extremes when how is this reason for to say “yes time quit the game” over a person, it isn’t logical emotions aren’t logical and want them gone because they can’t even show on face, i can’t show how much i am feeling because i am so used to playing the i feel nothing card but you bet i am going to start showing it, in the middle of my bloody exam, i don’t need this.
i just want to continue talking and reach them and i dont know how to talk and make it lasting
stupid sit-com loop for 14 years and now it is breaking and it wont be a sit-com loop just plain old sleep work try talk sleep work try talking, for bloody forever
3 comments
Is it possible to tell him how you feel? I personally feel like having a definitive answer will always be better than doing the “what if?” Scenario. Because that’s a great way to drive yourself nuts over time, always wondering what could have been. But obviously you know your situation best.
I have already done the whole ‘what if’ routine with a previews person in my life and i was too lazy to reconnect, and I have done so, telling him how I feel but a problem arises as he believes I can do it, which doesn’t really work when i go to panic mode about how to do things but maybe he is probably right, in this silly crisis of mine, i going try my best to think about something about my day and try talk to him about that and maybe keep it up that way, but fear is there and also not being able to do what we usually did is going to be weird, hate the idea i become a husk that slaves to work because while i technically have other people but i am not playing blood 6Square for the rest of my recess and lunch, not a fun game when most of the players are toxic and think suicide baiting is the way to keep there girlfriends but also if don’t, walking around in circles again is the next option, maybe break rules for once and use my phone to talk to him instead of leaving it in my locker like a rEsPoNsIbLe AdUlt
There’s a delicate balance to being a responsible adult. I am not sure most of us would be floating around a place like this, if we were strictly “responsible adults.”. But then again, I would still defer to your judgment. You are always in the best place to parse out your own judgment better than any other living being can be.