I think I have to end it soon. I don’t want to live at all, but I also don’t really want to die. I’m 26 without a degree, working in retail which was okay, but since a lot of people quit, the new environment is so toxic I feel extremely nauseous every time I have to go there. So I basically told everyone I will quit in December but I have no other plans, I’m not educated enough to get a better job, and I have anxiety and meltdowns whenever there’s a change in my life, I have no idea what my problem is, never got diagnosed with anything at all. I wish I could go back in time, just to change something, anything really, cause living in this misery is horrible. I think I have to end it in next week, I don’t want to leave my family, I love them, and doing this to them makes me cry so much, but I feel like I’ve got no choice, they will be fine without me. I just hope I will succeed, because I wouldn’t be able to face them if I failed.
I don’t even know what to write in my suicide note, but i got them books about how to deal with a loved ones suicide, I hope that will help them.
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I’m sorry you are suffering. I have no right to tell you to stick it out, but I will say that life has an odd way of working. It’s possible you might be stuck in retail, but it’s possible you might not. There a lot of instances in life where a degree wasn’t needed to find something worthwhile. And as someone who has a degree and is working on another, it doesn’t guarantee anything. I’m dumber than a bag of rocks but I have some piece of paper that apparently tells me otherwise.
It’s nice that you thought of your family. Grief is hard. Maybe you’ll be able to stick it out for them. I don’t know exactly what goes on when you’re at that final step, but it tends to really remind us of the things we love. Almost like your mind is pulling on the emergency brake. I don’t know what might happen for you.
I hope things get better.