It’s normal to think in absolutist terms when you’re highly anxious or depressed, but when you say you have to do it really soon, how certain are you of that? What will happen if you don’t? Is facing whatever that is worse than facing your fear of death? And is there anything you can do to avoid or delay it, to give yourself more time? If it’s work/money stuff, are there other options you could explore? Are there any individuals or organisations you could ask for help? I only ask because it’s good to have such things settled in your mind, to be resolved in your decision.

It’s natural to be afraid of change, and of the unknown. Especially death. We have millions of years of evolved instinct telling us to run the other way.

I hope you find a way to live with less fear& pain. But I get not being able to see a way forward (or out).