Overdosed on my meds, just got me high as fuck. Â I don’t even remember how many I took there’s only like 3 left in the bottle. Â Still have a migraine 2 days later.
wondered where you disappeared to, glad you are still around even if you aren’t happy about it. Thought you said you were gonna wait til you got out of your parent’s house see if things got any better.
well you know there are people here you can talk to, even if you just need someone to listen to you rant about it. You are smart enough you should be able to deal with complicated.
Everyone tells me I’m smart enough. She can do whatever we put in front of her they say. And you know what? I will. And I don’t have a clue why. I’m not trying to prove anything. Just that if I don’t have anything to do I probably wouldn’t still be here. I don’t want this semester to end. I don’t want school to end. It keeps me away from them.
So you have to stay busy just to avoid people? So school is an escape, but aren’t there things you actually enjoy doing that you can use as an escape to?
Well my parents own a business, so every minute I’m not at school I’m working for them, under them. And when I’m at home I practice piano, do homework, but my mom is constantly making me clean, or do projects like paint, or rearrange. And I’m not allowed to do anything. I can’t leave the house for any reason other than to go to school or work. I’m not allowed to stay in my room by myself. (except when I stay up till the small hours of the morning while everyone is asleep) I have to hide everything from them, my iPod, my laptop, or else they take it from me and usually destroy whatever they confiscate. I try to find hobbies, but they never approve.
that is extremely harsh, have they always been that controlling or did something trigger that response in them? so you can hide things from them, you have a laptop and Ipod and stuff at least there is that. You can get out of there soon if you just keep holding on you have waited this long.
I don’t know why they hate me. My brother is allowed to do whatever he wants and he gets in trouble with the law constantly and my dad always backs his choices up. And I am definitely not overdosing again that was terrible. And my mom does random room checks sometimes, just walks in tears my room apart looking for anything she can yell at me for.
hmm I dunno maybe it is just a gender thing with you and your brother, that causes the different expectations. Do you really think they hate you though? How are you doing on the whole god/hell issue has that gotten any better for you?
well personally I don’t believe in any religions. I don’t have anything against any of them but I just think they are fantasies made up by scared ignorant people. People that need something to believe in and hope for something beyond this world. Christians though piss me off, not enough they create their fantasy heaven for themselves but they need to create eternal torture for everyone that doesn’t agree with them…You really think that if you killed yourself that you would burn for eternity just because you couldn’t figure things out in your short 17 years?
It seriously creeps me out, and when I was younger my neighbors house burned down and almost caught ours on fire in the middle of the night. I am scared to death of fire.
anyone would be scared of fire, I cant think of much that is more painful then burns. Even small burns are torture, so I cant imagine what burning alive would be like
Ugh I hate when ODing goes bad. Third suicide attempt two nights ago. My parents were irate the next morning (as was I since I was alive) because apparently I had walked around the house noisily and slamming doors. I have no recollection of this.
I couldn’t tell them about my desire to end it all because my step mother is extremely religious and I don’t feel like being lectured while working off a clonazepam hangover.
18 comments
wondered where you disappeared to, glad you are still around even if you aren’t happy about it. Thought you said you were gonna wait til you got out of your parent’s house see if things got any better.
Yeah. Life keeps getting more and more complicated everyday.
well you know there are people here you can talk to, even if you just need someone to listen to you rant about it. You are smart enough you should be able to deal with complicated.
Everyone tells me I’m smart enough. She can do whatever we put in front of her they say. And you know what? I will. And I don’t have a clue why. I’m not trying to prove anything. Just that if I don’t have anything to do I probably wouldn’t still be here. I don’t want this semester to end. I don’t want school to end. It keeps me away from them.
So you have to stay busy just to avoid people? So school is an escape, but aren’t there things you actually enjoy doing that you can use as an escape to?
Well my parents own a business, so every minute I’m not at school I’m working for them, under them. And when I’m at home I practice piano, do homework, but my mom is constantly making me clean, or do projects like paint, or rearrange. And I’m not allowed to do anything. I can’t leave the house for any reason other than to go to school or work. I’m not allowed to stay in my room by myself. (except when I stay up till the small hours of the morning while everyone is asleep) I have to hide everything from them, my iPod, my laptop, or else they take it from me and usually destroy whatever they confiscate. I try to find hobbies, but they never approve.
that is extremely harsh, have they always been that controlling or did something trigger that response in them? so you can hide things from them, you have a laptop and Ipod and stuff at least there is that. You can get out of there soon if you just keep holding on you have waited this long.
I don’t know why they hate me. My brother is allowed to do whatever he wants and he gets in trouble with the law constantly and my dad always backs his choices up. And I am definitely not overdosing again that was terrible. And my mom does random room checks sometimes, just walks in tears my room apart looking for anything she can yell at me for.
hmm I dunno maybe it is just a gender thing with you and your brother, that causes the different expectations. Do you really think they hate you though? How are you doing on the whole god/hell issue has that gotten any better for you?
Nope. And my parents want me to lead a sunday school class for little children. Fuck my life. I’ve just kind of been goin through the motions.
well personally I don’t believe in any religions. I don’t have anything against any of them but I just think they are fantasies made up by scared ignorant people. People that need something to believe in and hope for something beyond this world. Christians though piss me off, not enough they create their fantasy heaven for themselves but they need to create eternal torture for everyone that doesn’t agree with them…You really think that if you killed yourself that you would burn for eternity just because you couldn’t figure things out in your short 17 years?
I dont know. It all confuses me.
well I don’t believe you would go to hell, it just bothers me especially when you say you have recurring dreams about it and stuff.
It seriously creeps me out, and when I was younger my neighbors house burned down and almost caught ours on fire in the middle of the night. I am scared to death of fire.
anyone would be scared of fire, I cant think of much that is more painful then burns. Even small burns are torture, so I cant imagine what burning alive would be like
For eternity, and I’ve been told you continue existing, you still have all your pain and sadness from earthly life.
yea see it just sounds ridiculous, like what kind of god is that anyway. They stole the old testament from the Jews and the Jews don’t have a hell.
Ugh I hate when ODing goes bad. Third suicide attempt two nights ago. My parents were irate the next morning (as was I since I was alive) because apparently I had walked around the house noisily and slamming doors. I have no recollection of this.
I couldn’t tell them about my desire to end it all because my step mother is extremely religious and I don’t feel like being lectured while working off a clonazepam hangover.