Ten minutes ago I finished writing a suicide note. It ended with me telling everyone here that: “…I hope 2012 brings everyone here something that I couldn’t find, a new start, harmony and… the desire to live life.”
These past two years I have literly found peace in the idea of killing myself but it shouldn’t be that way. I don’t want to throw this opportunity away. I don’t want to end my life but I’m just so mad. There are so many people that have laughed at me, teased me, used me, looked past me, thrown me away… I’m so mad at seeing them have such a storybook life and here I am, used goods, with panic attacks, anxiety and depression.
I turned 21 this year and death should be the last thing in my head. I should be running away from it not towards it. But I’ll be damned if I give anyone, especially them, the satisfaction of seeing me in a coffin. This isn’t right, this has got to stop, but I’m not just going to let the past stay dead and buried. I’m not going to keep hiding what they did. I have wrongs, I have flaws and I’ve taken responsibility, I’ve confessed what I’ve done. But I know that if I say that: “why shouldn’t they get punished also?” I’d just be holding on to that anger and hate and I don’t want to anymore. I just don’t want to carry that weight any longer. I don’t care about any of them. I don’t care what they did to me. I’ve wasted to much time already. I will not give them another second or another thought.
This site has brought many different kinds of people together. I’ve seen so much compassion, patience, help and love here. I want to thank everyone because they have been there for me and I know that they will still be there in the future and in return I can offer the same to anyone who needs it. So, to everyone here, I hope that 2012 brings ALL of us a new start, harmony and the desire to live life. It won’t be easy, but we have one another to lite the way through the darkness.
-Keitel
6 comments
I hate reading stories about other peoples suicide thougths. Yet i know exactly what your going through. Its hard but atleast your putting yoursself out here. I lovee this website because of how people telll me its gonna be alright even if its not true. It lets you know your not alone. And people who barely know you already would hate to loose you. Honestley right now im one of those people i would hate for you to die. Hold in there. And if you EVER need someone to talk to email me @ madisonkaykay09@aol.com. And everyone else reading my comment can also email me ;d
thank you everyone. i know what it’s like to feel alone, left out, empty… and everyday is a struggle. some mornings i wake up the courage to take on the world then there are some days i wake up to scared to face it. thanks again and like i said, i know we’re all here for one another. thank you.
I hope to give your wish back to you, let this next year be joyous, and let those who don’t deserve such foul treatment from others finally have inner peace. I hope that you are happy and long for this world by the end of the new year.
-Sol
Keitel,
You have wisdom, insight and perception well beyond your years – I hope you can see fit to give life a chance a little while longer.
Dawg
Keitel, I think I emailed you a while back..perhaps reread it. You don’t have to solve your life in 10 min. Take it easy on you. Most young people on here are waaay too tough on themselves. That comes from feeling the need to be good enough for your parents or someone else. Have the courage to simply be for you! You are enough and perfectly loved for the very one you are!
You’re only 21, Take a few steps back, breathe….trust yourself to do this. It is all so in your ability to do it! Keep it simple, baby steps. Take care.
Stay with us you are too younge to die you have your whole life ahead of you keep posting we are all here listening we feel your pain if i could id reach through and give you a hug but hey ill send you one (((((((hug)))))))