Hey, all this talk of cutting on here lately.
As I mentioned in a reply to someone’s cutting post, I cut myself in junior high and high school and stopped around age 17, I put that self-abuse energy into obsessively exercising instead. Sure wish I could get back into the obsessive exercising…
Anyway, years later, I still have self-mutilation scars. It’s one of the biggest things I dread at the start of a relationship, especially as I get older and more interested in, you know, sane people, well-balanced people. My scars are on my thighs, so the big reveal is usually when we’re gettin’ down to business.
By age 22 I had gotten so sick of being like “oh, btw, when I get naked you’re going to see that I used to cut the shit out of my legs, don’t be freaked out or anything, I don’t do that anymore!” I started just acting like it was completely normal and not bringing it up unless they did. I think this is the more graceful way to go. I have found that one-night stands choose to ignore it, guys that are super ooey-gooey get all ridiculously dramatic about it, like run their fingers over my scars and get teary eyed, I find that revolting. My favorite response is when a guy just casually asks, “hey, what are those” and I tell him and that’s that. I think the man of my dreams would think they were kind of pretty, too bad they’re not. 🙂
Back when I was actively cutting myself, the guy I was with would tell me not to do that, but he did it, too. I didn’t tell him not to do it, because I felt that would be hypocritical.
But for you cutters: you should really stop, if only for vanity reasons. Do some form of self-abuse that doesn’t leave scars that require explaining and limit your willingness to go to the beach for ten years. It’s really a drag to explain over and over and over… For fading the scars, I recommend vitamin e oil and mild TCA peels (great for acne scarring, too! Plus, it hurts! You’ll love it!) Try waxing your body hair for pain. Hurts like a ***** and you don’t have to explain it to everyone who sees you naked for the rest of time.
So, you self-mutilating freaks and ex-self-mutilating-probably-still-freaks, how has your cutting, or your scars, affected your romantic life?
11 comments
I hide my scars. Not because I am ashamed of them but because counselors, psychologist, psychiatrist, and school staff get alarmed. Classmates that know, treat me the same. I don’t mind my scars, I never minded my girlfriends scars. I didn’t like that she cut, but I always thought she was beautiful even if she had scars. So…all I have to say is. To each their own. You got the confidence to not care about your scars, good. If not, well don’t cut for the vanity reasons hunter has mentioned. Do as you will, and all will be fine.
Oh, I should really also mention: I am super pissed off about my scars because they prevented me from doing Peace Corps. Turns out, they don’t take you if they can figure out you are a depressive, and they do a physical–so stop now if you think you might ever want to do Peace Corps. Also, no nude modeling for art classes, burlesque, bellydancing, porn acting if that’s yer thing, obviously no going swimming, you seem ridiculously modest at the YMCA, you have to think about HOW to hide your scars, if they will be visible, all the time. It’s just a pain in the ass. It stops being romantic and starts just being goddamn annoying. I’m the last person to judge someone for cutting themselves, but if I can save someone the irritation, embarassment, inconvenience, awkwardness, and total derailing of plans to do Peace Corps after college because of an addiction to adrenaline/endorphins which can totally be fed in other ways, then I will. BTW, you should all go rent Secretary, Maggie Gyllenhaal is the cutest little cutter turned masochist ever. Oh yeah, I mentioned this is another post–but other alternatives to cutting include having your lover pull your hair and smack your ass.
But if you will cut, use hydrogen peroxide (it hurts, you’ll like it), triple antibiotic and fresh bandages every day. I didn’t do this and one time a cut turned green and seeping and smelled funny. It was so gross. I was hygenic as hell after that.
Also, if it’s the social acceptability you are worried about, just do it in a design and tell everyone you are into scarification and tribal culture, they’ll think you are weird but not in need of “help.”
The obvious solution would be tattooing over your scars. Get a couple of individual pieces, or start a body sleeve, and work the lines of your scars into the derma-art. Nobody would know that you’re covering up cutting scars. They would just see a tattoo.
i used to cut but now they heal. No one every notice them. I never told anyone. I stop cutting cause really it was a waste of my time and it only brought me pain no comfort like the rest of these guys.
I also recommand you not tell people to choice another method of self- harm. No matter what method you choice it will always leave scars even if they are visble to others.
After I saw them on a one night stand, I’d be like, ………. you don’t have freezer full of dead guys do you ?
So i am lucky in a way, i love my scars. They are huge like tiger stripes too, that gave me the nickname tiger from my boyfriend.
I think my scars are beautiful. I love them and only regret not doing more. Although i would be uncomfortable in a bikini, it’s not because of them. I still wear short shorts and show off my arms.
My boyfriend thinks i’m beautiful with or without the scars. So i’m very lucky in that respect.
My advice would be not to worry too much about them. They are part of you! They make you who you are today and if people aren’t cool with that, then they don’t deserve your attention.
I hope you find someone that loves your scars the way you want them to.
I don’t mind my boyfriend touching mine and asking about them, but each to their own.
I hope you are okay and one day have enough confidence to wear a bikini and say “this is me, they are a part of me, get over it!”
@caucajun32
Why would you assume because someone cuts themselves that they would want to hurt others? I realise this may be a joke, but i consider it an inappropriate one. Sorry but that’s just how i feel 🙂
Lol, no, but ironically enough, I do have a deer head and hide in my freezer, for experiments in brain-tanning (the way native americans usually made leather). I didn’t kill it though.
When I have minded a man touching my scars and fussing over them, both times it has been men that I wasn’t that into. One was this super sweet, kinda dumb guy that I knew had had a crush on me for all of high school, so I decided to give him a chance; we ended up fooling around, and he did a total overperformance of what he thought was the sensitive reaction to a girl with self-mutilation scars. He was trying too hard, and because he’d been trying too hard in general, it just underlined what a terrible mistake it was to be in bed with this person. Similar situation with another guy later on. These weren’t boyfriends. I guess it’s just that I gave myself the scars and I am just super over it–I think these two guys were trying to use the revealing of the scars to create emotional intimacy and it rubbed me the wrong way–they were super into me and they wanted me to be vulnerable and needy, and not that I’m never vulnerable and needy, but probably not the first time I undress with you. That’s not when I want to unload all my childhood trauma, that’s when I want to have sex. For these guys, I think they imagined a scenario wherein they lovingly caressed my scars and I wilted into a feminine puddle of need and they could play the strong but sensitive hero and then we got married and had thirty million babies.
Then i definitely agree with you. Yuck! I understand a little better now what you meant.
It is funny when someone sees them and acts all surprised and over dramatic. Maybe its just that fact that we see them everyday, we did them so we know they are there. So to us it kinda becomes overkill and (sometimes) annoying. In some situations in the past i find myself almost counselling them because they seem so traumatized over it. So yeah i understand.
I’m one of those people that likes the scars. It’s weird if they aren’t there, and I at least think they’re pretty.
My girlfriend (sorta) doesn’t mind them. She’s concerned about them, not because I cut (which she wouldn’t mind) but because it reminds her that I’m depressed and the fact that I’m considering suicide so seriously lately is really painful to her. But I’m trying to work it out for her. She doesn’t usually make a big deal about it when we’re actually doing something ( ;D) but she does react a little, if involuntarily, the first time she feels the cuts or notices the scars. Either way, the scars themselves have never stopped me from doing something or being with someone I wanted.
I do hide my scars in general because a lot of people (my family, many of my friends, teachers, other relatives and acquaintances) don’t know I cut or am depressed and it’s just a lot of unnecessary explaining and whatnot…but lately I’m cutting more because I like the scars than for the need of pain. And I know that’s not good, but I don’t really care, I should be dead in a few months anyway!