Tonight.. I lay in my room thinking. Thinking, about cutting. How lush it would feel, to bite into my skin. Feel a little, bleed a little. And the thought is so relaxing.
No, I can’t do it. I said I’d stop. I have to get better.
But I do. Oh, I do. Things just got worse, and old habits die hard. Weapon of choice? A pocket knife. A present from old paps. One he made me swear never to use against myself. So it’s funny father, isn’t it? How after all these years you’ve still managed to find some way to hurt me.
Small but deep. I think I cut through most of the fat on my arm. Hell, I probably cut through all of it. I guess I’ll have to stitch that up soon..
It’s not hard. Takes time, but I’m used to it. Anything to hide it from my parents. Anything to try and make me seem normal. Because really, they don’t get it. They’re parent’s. Parent’s never understand because it hurts their own damned pride too much.
Do you think I’m wrong? Try me.
6 comments
The tables would turn if the parents were once suicidal, or “cutters” themselves. However this may not be the case. Oh well. If I became a parent, I know for a fact I’d go about it in a different way. My only advice is: Try to keep an open mind, kiddo. Unless you’re in their shoes and understand what it is like for them then you have no right to be judgemental. Jumping to conclusions and stubbornly holding to unfounded accusations is unreasonable thus lacking the ability to display maturity/kindness; an admirable trait in a human being.
Cutting relases pain endorphins.
Giving this type of pain = pleasure feedback loop.
I’ve done it and it does feel simply divine during the process.
Parents do not understand fully.
Nobody does.
Nobody can.
All people can do is listen and try their best to empathize and even then their saying they understand means that they too know pain and strife.
And in many cases when parents know we are hurting ourselves on purpose they get scared and act in irrational ways. Usually to want to toss us to the psychs when sometimes all we need is an ear and some honest feedback.
If you are not comfortable talking to parents maybe someone else then.
Never talked to my family either. Tried to but overly religious southern baptists who think marriage , religion, and children are the only way of life are pretty closed off to anything that is not that.
I don’t understand but. . Simply draw a pony or puppy butterfly. Give them a name. Draw them where you are going to cut. And if you cut them they Die.
Oh, trust me. I have every right to be judgmental. My parents are just ignorant. I’m still kind to them, but only because I know they could never understand.
I self harm too, so I would like to think that I know how you feel, I too also said I would stop. I was introduced to the butterfly project which Is really good and I think you should try it…. xx.
Seems interesting. Thanks, I’ll look into it.