Been drinking with a friend who said “you just can’t give up” as if that’s rhetorical.
Got my rejection letter today for the job that would have saved me in so many ways.
While we were drinking my composure was fairly good but I went to pee like four times ands cried in the bathroom each time.
I’m drunk as all fuck right now. Tomorrow I am driving home for my four-year-old sister’s birthday. I have to make decorations for the party. I figure I didn’t remember shit at four, they can just tell her I was an imaginary friend until she’s 25. The week following, an ex-boyfriend that I sometimes f*ck is coming to see me, then the following Monday I think it’ll me me and my rope in the basement of the house I live alone with with three cats (I bought a WHOLE BAG of food today and special treats, they’ll be fine).
Suicide note mostly done. It’s three pages. Is it like more the merrier, or is it better to keep it brief? Fuck me, and fuck this rotten world.
5 comments
The only reason I would drink is to try to be happy..if you cant handle that than I suggest that you quit drinking..and seriously never spread your legs for a guy that could have aids..if he cant respect you than get the hell out..I realize there are not very many men out there that treat women right & it does cause a lot of pain but don’t have a guy just for that reason..either he will treat you how you tell him to treat you or you let him go on his merry way..stand up for yourself!
We should start an economy-and-hiring-people-suck group. I just lost the job that would have saved me. I wish I knew what to do when your last hope flies out the window. It sucks when you tell your friends just how bad it really is and they serve you platitudes on a platter.
You have every reason to feel shitty. F***, it’s your life, it’s your dream that was rudely crushed. Give up all day tomorrow. Wallow in it, bathe in it, drown in it. Watch stupid tv and become a cat- cushion. Don’t do a single productive thing.
I bet before the day is out (it may take two) you will be very tired of giving up, itching to do something, anything. Hey, it can’t hurt, right?
Chrissy… You’re way off, I have literally had sex FOUR TIMES in the last year. Probably a contributing factor to wanting to kill myself, honestly. The guy I hung out with tonight clearly doesn’t want me, and the ex-bf isn’t promiscuous, we used to be engaged, we don’t mesh emotionally but we can have sex now and then, with condoms cause I suck ass at taking my BC, he sucks about as much as I do at getting new tail and I don’t give a fuck if I get AIDS anyway, ain’t like I’m gonna spread it before I say my adieus…
Artemis, yes, I don’t know how 8.4% of America copes with unemployment at all. I have a job but my boss is a bully and insults me in front of people and I just can’t do anything. Every day I think about hanging myself rather than going to work. There is no other work I am qualified for, I can’t quit and I can’t find another job. I am very smart (when not drunk) and I am very talented, but none of it is valuable. Also I suck at interviewing, I come across as awkward because I am so scared.
This job I didn’t get… I would have been so good at it, and the boss seemed super cool, but I got scared and I clammed up. There is nothing out there right now that would have been better, and I just can’t keep working for someone who makes me feel so awful about myself. What’s worse… I am about to have to start doing a project I am ill-trained for that will involve collaboration with the boss who rejected me. I can’t stand the shame. I want to die.
Well, first of all I didn’t ask for personal details but I can tell by what you’ve said that you are on the line because you’ve been hurt by so many people..I believe we’ve all been there..we try hard, we work hard & nothing we do is ever good enough..am I right? But it gives us no excuse to hurt ourselves if all we end up doing is hurting others. All you need is to pray about it..if you are rejected by someone..don’t go back..they’ll do it to you again. If I were you, I would only keep the people that truely has been there for you and never once against you to continue being in your life. If ever you find you have no place to go or just need to get destressed..you have to put your faith in God..call a minister, go to church..your life can turn around..you will believe it when you see what I’m saying. Just think would you want to die saving a kid crossing the street or would you give your organs to someone in the hospital so they can live. Don’t ever be selfish when you leave this world..because when I die..my life will just begin..but I want to live to help others. I would hope that my life has purpose & God will work through me..I truly hope you find happiness in whatever you decide because its a decision..a choice..we all have that right.
Sorry, i don’t do the space wizard thing. And rejection for jobs is my problem, not people. And I’m a blood donor, o-, organ donor, work in public housing, did a year of VISTA, volunteer a good deal, too. Has not made life suck less, but thanks for the good wishes.