I had a doctor’s appointment yesterday and my only ride to Anchorage was with my junkie friends. I stopped doing drugs almost three months ago, and it’s been fine, until yesterday. I got out of the doctor’s office and my friends went to go pick up some nifftys ( Heroin). It didn’t bother me until they were ready to smoke it. They couldn’t find any tin foil, so I helped them find it in the back seat of the car. I handed it to them and soon they were taking the black tar out and placing it on the foil. They got a hollowed out pen and stuck a lighter under it and began to take turns. The man setting next to me asks me if I smoke, I say no and he hands it to the next person. Soon they are royally fucked up and I’m setting in the back wishing I would’ve hit it. My friend driving turns to me and says sorry, I say I don’t give a shit. Through the rest of the night the blew threw two hundred and fifty dollars worth of black tar, and I found myself wallowing in guilt. The guilt didn’t stem from wanting to get fucked up, but rather, that I aided them in getting fucked up. Smoking pot and taking shrooms isn’t really anything but heroin, its different. I repeatedly told them that I don’t give a shit if they smoke, went to a dealers house with them and let them smoke in my house. I feel like more of a sack of shit than I normally do, I just don’t know what the right thing was to do. It’s not like I could’ve said doing drugs is bad or some bullshit like that, that would make me hypocritical. I’ve done enough drugs with these people, they’ve seen me gone and I’ve seen them, but does it make it right if I don’t say anything? I’m trying not to fuck with drugs but all I do is hang out with people who still do drugs. I don’t know, but I couldn’t sleep last night because of the guilt and today was fucking shit. I don’t know why I’m writing my shit on this website, but something tells me it’s not a bad idea so fuck it.
2 comments
You’re right. Heroin is different. I don’t think you should beat yourself up about ‘aiding’ your friends because I’m sure they would have done the same withut you. But maybe it’s best just not to spend too much time wiht them… save yourself the moral grey area. I don’t know about you, but I’d also be worried about the risk of relapse. Anyway, good on you for kicking. Takes some strength there.
At least when they did it at your place they were safe.good on you for kicking the habit but you know the saying If you sit in the barbours chair youre going to get a haircut….good luck and dont feel bad you are clean:-)