liar liar.. pants on fire.

I can’t do this anymore. I don’t trust adults, the place I’m most scared of is home, and I’m tired of fighting to hold on to everything I’ve ever known. I’m forced to talk to the counselor at school, since I don’t eat  I am required to go to checkups. Last Thursday I stopped lying to her and opened up.. everyone told me it would feel better. it didn’t. she told me I had the choice to either tell my parents i needed to be placed in counseling or she would call them and tell them herself. (i do not talk to my parents although i live with them) but i gave in, i texted my mom and told her. i was put in counseling. ive only gone to one session and it was awful. but the counselor at school.. she keeps calling me back. and the past few times i refused to go. but now, she emailed me and said that she is calling my mom at 11 tomorrow. it’s not fair, i did my part of the deal, i got into counseling. she shouldn’t be able to call now!!! i feel like she is taking advantage of me and doesn’t understand at all. My friends are ready to stand up for me if it doesnt go well and she calls… but i’m so afraid. This past year, I’ve lost myself. I’ve been forced to the counselor at least 10 times this school year, that’s not normal. i hate it. i want them to all leave me alone. I want to die. Right now would be perfect, i wouldnt have to deal with the phone call. but my friends.. they are fighting so hard for me. it means so much. if it wasn’t for them, i would be dead. i owe it to them to stay alive, because they have been helping fight for my life in all this chaos. Tired of struggling. Tired of starving. Tired of my parents thinking i lie. Tired of trusting adults only to have them tell on me. Tired of coming home every single day and being silent. I want my family back, I want my life back. Back when drama was over guys and not over how close I came to passing out. I’m just a stubborn little girl. 16 years old. When I was little people drilled in my head that smoking was bad, so were drugs, guns, and alcohol. I decided to never participate in those things because I knew what they could do to me. No one ever told me how destructive starving is, how addicting throwing up is, or how bad cutting is. No one told me. I didn’t know. In front of my friends I pretend to be so fearless… I assure everyone I am okay. But in reality I’m so scared.. what happens when i pass out from starving for days straight.. what happens when my parents find out i lie about eating.. what happens when i can’t fight any longer…