Stuck

I feel trapped in my own misery.
I can’t connect with new people.
I fear any form of commitment.
I haven’t dated since I ended a perfectly good relationship 2 years ago.
I tried once but it didn’t work out and that took whatever dating energy I had out of me. I probably would have tanked that relationship too. I don’t know why.

I’m a narcissist and it’s apparently quite obvious.
When I try to relate to people, I either sound like I’m bragging or I come off as entirely boring.
I don’t want to get another “job”.
I feel stuck in jobs, then I get panic attacks or stress headaches.
I’m a college drop-out (for a similar reason)
I have no skills and only fleeting motivation to acquire any.
I still live at home, at my age I’d prefer to move but, homelessness is such a hard life that it doesn’t really feel like a viable solution.
Insurance doesn’t seem to have any regard for mental health, why is it so expensive anyways?
If I were to commit myself it’d probably cost my parents $1-2k
and I might get stuck with some really lousy help. (happened to a friend of mine)

I don’t want to die, I’d rather stay in bed. But this isn’t going to last forever in fact probably not a year longer, to have the option of suicide makes me feel like I have some semblance of control over my life.