About 4 years ago I was normal. I went to school, played with freinds, did all the stuff a normal 11 year old would do. Now… Its like im not even the same person. I dont recognize myself at all. All I think about is suicide. I dont care. I dont care whether or not I pass highschool. I dont care if I go to college or not. I just want to die. I want to escape this cruel world and leave forever.
Just so you know, I got sick 4 years ago. Well, not sick. But I got this disease that pretty much paralyzes you to death. I almost died because of it. Or came close to. Now I live in pain everyday. No one can help me. No matter how hard they try. I will always have pain. I wish I got it again. I wish I had never survived. I wish I would have died.  I wish I could explain how painful it is to bare, but there would be no more words left.
2 comments
I’m sorry.
You’re not alone in feeling this way…what will help is to refrain from judging yourself for feeling and thinking this way. If everyone thought it’s great to think this way, you would have a different reaction to your situation right? It’s not bad…it just is. So amidst the situation think thoughts that allow you to feel better…you may go from anger to despair to hope…intend and focus your mind on what you want.
It’s a bit of an experiment but I bet it will help. I used to be able to do all sorts of stuff, it’s like I was never on the planet before…bizarre. But that’s the best I got for you. If you’re thinking of suicide, the result is a positive occurrence and not a negative…it’s natural to want to return to where we come from and it’s a opportunistic challenge being in a body at this time. Give yourself props, be gentle with yourself no matter what…even if you fall flat on your face…tell yourself “I always love and appreciate myself unconditionally”….I’m cracking up..seems counter intuitive but that’s the way. Separate how you feel about your experience from the great guy you simply are! Be flexible and simplify. Good luck!