It’s My Time

I am tired of life.

For the past two years I have not been able to keep a job longer than 2 weeks because of my depression.

Life is so hard now. The money is gone. Rent is due, and I don’t have it.

Have to end it soon.

My time is up.

I’m such a fuck up. Had my life on track, had an excellent career, and just walked out…left.

Life in ruins.

Owe thousands upon thousands of dollars in credit card bills, loans, defaulted checking accounts, etc.

Have been trying for the past two months to find work. I wanted to be dedicated now and just try to live.

No one’s hiring. And the ones that are, are requesting drug tests.

The final straw for me is when I got a job, but missed out on it because of a drug test.

I smoke marijuana daily, and honestly, it’s the only thing that has kept me alive this long. I don’t have any benefits, so I couldn’t get prescriptions for meds. Yes it’s  illegal, but it has really helped with my mood and overall well-being…at least until now.

I feel euphoric from the marijuana, but I know as soon I get off of it, I will feel like shit. Daily I can’t get up from bed until 1pm and then in the middle of the day I sleep for more hours. My body is done. It wants to die too.

I’m ending it tonight…or tomorrow. No more waiting. No more fear. I love my family and my boyfriend more than myself, but it’s something I need to do. Need peace.

Goodbye.