I’m so tired. I’ve moved back in with my grandfather and I absolutely hate it. I’ve been kicked out of every house I’ve lived in because people can’t deal with my depression, which makes me feel even more unwanted and unloved. I’m failing most of my classes and I’m skipping school more than I ever have before. I can’t stand it.
To make a long story short; I was planning on killing myself tomorrow. I’ve realized that I’ll never be anything great and I’m tired of trying to get help when it seems like everything is working against me. I was going to go to a psychiatric hospital or the E.R. so I wouldn’t kill myself, but why bother. Nothing is going to get better or change, so why should I stay here? No one will care anyway. Hell, I’m pretty sure you don’t even care, but that’s okay. I never expected you to care. I just need to get this out there.
I was planning on going down to the train tracks and waiting for a train to pass. Or I was going to go down to the freeway by my house and wait for a semi-truck to come speeding along. Not sure if I can do this sober, but I have a bottle of wine in case I can’t summon up enough courage.
If I chicken out, I’ll be sure to update.
I really do hope that everyone one here finds happiness and peace.
7 comments
“That’s what suicide is for me; A way out. A way of dealing with all the things I never learned how to cope with. Dealing with all the people I can’t take. Dealing with the words I don’t want to hear. Suicide is my last choice.”
You wrote the above words late last year… and I want you to know that there are other ways to work through these situations. So much of life can be working through the challenges. You listed some of the challenges in your previous posts. I have no doubt that they are significant and they affect you… There are other solutions.
Please think about this carefully… and don’t do it. By all means, chicken out. Come back and let us know that you didn’t do it… and then work on moving ahead to the next chapter of life. Please.
I care. You wrote a really nice comment to me once. That meant a lot to me.
I think I can relate to how you’re feeling, I have no hope for my life, and I don’t want to live either.
Realistically, I wouldn’t dare guarantee anyone that things will get better, but I have had really good things happen in my life precisely when it felt most f***ed up.
I dunno what to tell you. I guess I’ll just say, you seem like a nice person to me, and I’d be sorry if there was one fewer of you in the world. Take care and I hope you find peace somehow.
Some of the most intelligible worldly people spent most of their lives in obscurity. I didn’t even know what I was going to be when I was your age let alone whether I would amount to anything. Sometimes when your badly out of sorts it’s a gradual process and you have to take steps to bring about improvement. I remember staying with my grandad and I hated it because it was boring. I wish I could turn back time. He was a different type of man, a bit like my dad but he was from my mums side of the family. In them days as an elder we had to respect him. But he commanded respect because of his imposing presence. I miss him, he would always know what to do. Even though I was the only grandchild who never learnt to speak punjabi he like me best. So I think you should savour each moment.
Bud I know how u feel just hang on mate hang on..
please dont do this. there are lots of people here on this site who care about you though we dont know you. i hope you really think things over before going through with this. i really beleive over time things will get better. over some time things got better for me. if you want you can e-mail me at danielle16yeah at gmail .com just to talk. i hope you will oneday find peace, take care.
I know you never expected anyone to care, but I do, I assure you. I won’t try to talk you out of this though, I trust that you know what you need to do. Enjoy the escape on the other side
dude people will always care. if you say something, somebody will listen. even if what you say ain’t the most cheerful thing in the world, it may have a different better meaning to someone else, and may help them through a difficult situation. So please. Just don’t do it. get rid of the wine now, don’t drink it. at least not enough to muddle yourself. I’m going to check tomorrow and the next day for u to post. if u don’t I’ll take it ur gone, and I will seriously cry. I swear I will. so just don’t kill yourself. go to the ER if u have to, or just tell your grandfather. Old people tend to understand stuff better than our parents.