I was happy yesterday. However, it was a strange kind of happy. It was a happiness where I was really nothing like myself. The friend I was with remarked that I was being crazier than usual, and I knew that I was.It scared me, because although I felt happy, it wasn’t me in there being happy, if that makes any sense. I felt like something or someone else had taken over my body. I felt out of control and like I said, crazier than usual.
These days my emotions are dramatically heightened- when I am happy I go into this scarily different and kind of manic persona, where I’m loud and unpredictable. When I am sad I get really really depressed to the extent where just communication takes a lot of effort and I keep thinking of killing myself or going to sleep and never waking up. I keep getting furious at the tiniest thing and yelling at people or throwing things, that scares me a lot because until now I’ve always been very gentle and good at dealing with anger without losing my temper.
I just feel like I’m going insane and unfortunately, my only moments of clearness and sense of myself seem to come when I’m sad and depressed. I can only think clearly when I’m sad, so does that mean that the real me is the depressed one?
I just don’t understand who I am or what’s going on with me anymore and that terrifies me. I think I’m going mad. I hate feeling out of control and I feel too weird about it all to talk to anyone about this. Something is wrong with me and I don’t know how to fix it.
6 comments
The symptoms you describe are typical of Bipolar Disorder.
I’m no mental-health professional, so I’m going to quote wikipedia like any responsible, upstanding citizen should not.
“Bipolar disorder or bipolar affective disorder, historically known as manic-depressive disorder, is a psychiatric diagnosis that describes a category of mood disorders defined by the presence of one or more episodes of abnormally elevated energy levels, cognition, and mood with or without one or more depressive episodes. The elevated moods are clinically referred to as mania or, if milder, hypomania.
Individuals who experience manic episodes also commonly experience depressive episodes, or symptoms, or a mixed state in which features of both mania and depression are present at the same time”
If you do have the disorder, your condition is beyond the grasp of assistance that a social forum like this one can provide; at least in terms of competent psychological guidance within the immediate future. You will need to seek a qualified mental-health professional to determine whether a diagnosis would be appropriate.
That doesn’t mean that you won’t get anything from posting here – you won’t be “broken” if you leave the disorder untreated – but it would be irresponsible for me not to give you the advice I have provided.
Have you gone to your doctor about this? You might, and I’m saying this very, very much as in ‘might’, be bi-polar. If you are swinging between manic and depressed. Definately go and see your doctor or therapist and get properly diagnosed. (On the other hand, I myself can get exited, manic and sometimes a danger to myself when I am feeling ‘happy’ in the spaces between my depressive moods. I’m not bi-polar though, as far as I know)
Thank you for your advice 🙂 I’ve been considering going to a doctor, but I’m not at all sure, mostly because I don’t want to be medicated. I worry that if I was on medication to stabilise my moods that I’d be losing more of myself. I don’t want to have to rely on pills to be okay :/ Still, I might go see someone anyway and see what they say. 🙂
hey man,, i am not a mental specialist but any way i can tell u who to get over with our condition.. visiting a doctor will be the best idea but if you can not do i you have to hold it tight. don’t try to think of any thing too much.there is no way any one can get in to your head right??
so, you have imagined every thing….. if you have a GF or BF you can tell them and i am sure that they can make you better. try to be with a friend who know you very well and tell him every thing that driving you crazy.
try to listen to light music or meditate.
this might sound foolish but if you are married or what every it is ,making love (sex)
make you relax……
just understand that feeling better is a feeling . to feel better you have to be alive.
so if you did what are think to do, there is no better or whatsoever.
they to enjoy the life that yor mom and dad gave you. the trouble you mom undergoes in 60 weeks is useless if you killed you self………………
hold it to gather my man… god bless you …
be happy..
Sometimes you don’t need medication. I’m (ironically, considering my depression), training in alternative and creative therapies. You could get therapy, use meditation and/or yoga, or other alternative medthods with dealing with the mood swings. I’m not hugely familiar with medication for bi-polar disorders (and all my experience with treating depression comes from creative therapies) so I’m gunna have to say see your doctor on this one.
hey i know exactly how you feel and the other commenter is right these are distinct syptoms of manic/bi polar disorder, i also suffer from bi-polar and i am on a depression medicine for it, i take the lowest mg of paxil there is, mainly counceling and just getting a better understanding of what is happening in your brain would really help you!! any questions feel free to email me heidi_lynn_wilson@yahoo.com
It can be very scary feeling like you are losing it, this feeling and emotions generally pass with time but surely reappear in the future, bipolar can be a significant problem in life bc this highs you feel may make you more talkative and have a euphoric feeling like you can do anything. The lows may make you have suicidal thoughts and for me it is the lows that are worst, bc i get very aggitated, closed off, and just miserable,, I may snap at loved ones or not do my class work, and i have very little patience. Bipolar is such a struggle bc you often do not feel like yourself, definetly get some help, it can’t hurt, be honest about your history especially if you have any drug dependency or abuse issues. Remember they will not and cannot force you to take meds, and the only way they can hold you for the 51/50 hold or whatever (72 hours in psych ward) unless you say you are going to hurt yourself or others. Take care, please let me know how you’re doing 🙂
DON’T DO IT ALONE, GET HELP TALK TO SOMEONE!!!!!!!!!!!! in time these syptoms could get worse, don’t wait!!