I think the title says it all but I really need to express my self to someone who would actually understand.
I have a great family, besides my crazy mom and my over-protector dad and my annoying brother, they are always around to offer their support. I have good friends too, and average grades and money enough to have a happy life.
Yeah, that might sound perfect or at least something that a lot of people wish, but i don’t… I’m just sick of all the things around me.
I’m different to all the people I’ve known, since I was a child I didn’t like how life is but I want to kill myself since I’m 12, I’m 15 now and that’s just getting worst… in every moment I feel like there’s a lot of darkness inside of me and I’ve spent the half of my life stoping it because I’m afraid of what could happend if I let it go…
I’m just a coward girl, I never hurted myself even when I wanted to because someone could discover me or it would hurt too much or I was just coward.
My life could sound perfect but the reality is that it socks and I don’t have “the balls” to finish or just deal whit it.
Just looking for someone who understands…
30 comments
You okay? :c
I think i’ll be fine for a while when I wake up tomorrow but it all will come back.
Do you know what I mean?
I understand. I have teh over protective mom and annoying sister. My life was perfect…well not perfect but just fine. Yet I was NEVER happy as a child. There was always something bothering me inside. I was just never truely happy. Then I became depressed at the age of 12. It continued to get worse (age of 14 I became suicidal, 16 I started cutting and tried suicide.). It just got really bad. I understand where you are coming from.
I know what you mean. Nights are the worst.
Yes it always comes back to me every day…
Especially at night…it’s worse at night for me.
Just talk though…it helps :/
At night or when you are doing nothing… you have to keep your mind busy but any rest will make you crazy, thats the worst, never rest or going crazy
Haha angellith you’re among friends (:
We all suffer at night and when we do nothing
the mind wanders and we lose it sometimes :/
I understand – I have nothing to complain about in my surroundings, good family( except some can be annoying or the fact most of them are overly-religious… ), some friends( sort of ) and enough money. Though I too am not happy and seems there is a darkness inside of me. I suppose I’ve been depressed mostly through high school and for a year afterwards. Didn’t start cutting till last year though.
The night is usually when you KNOW those thoughts will be there and you’ll be driving yourself crazy with them if you don’t have anything else to keep your mind busy. At least during the day it isn’t for sure or the whole time usually…
I guess it’s like a constant battle to go through day to day.
Maybe one day you can wake up and it won’t come back eh?
i really didn’t expected so many people to talk with, i’ surprised… though i think this is for help each other.
WillTickin: i guess its possible that of waking up and dont have those feelings anymore but any way it’ll took some time
Have any of you gone to a doctor? I did, twice, and it work for absolutly nothing
Haha we need to get eaach other through this shit. It seems like every suicidal person is awake at night. No wonder we can’t function properly…we never get any sleep! lmao
Oh dont think so, i sleep since i got from school and wake up at 7 or i’ll really become crazy!!
I dont think we are a minority, is just people doesnt like to talk about it… thats the reason for the anonymous in the page i guess
We’re are the silent minority? O.o
We are the suicidal and hurt c:
But we’re so kind and caring for each other (:
yeah we are. we are here for each other like all the “normal” people aren’t there for us.
maybe. all i know is that when i come across someone who needs help like i do i help them. its because thats what i wish from my friends.
Anonymous? o.O
I dunno i think we are a silent few c:
I wish I had time to sleep or if I could sleep period 😡
But just know we are here for ya
i just didn’t find the right word…
try pills to sleep, that might help, or just flue meds.
thanks 😉 i’ll be here for you if you need it, i like to help -just like determined_rebel said- because that’s what i hope from my friends
I wish my friends were as nice as all of you. I wish they could see how much I hurt on a daily basis.
lol it’s fine c:
I have meds they put me to sleep but not soon enough…
And awww how sweet thank you we shall all be here for each other.
What sleep pills? I should get some. I literally could stay up all night.
Do you believe in doctors? like psicologist and everything?
My abilify makes me sleepy…also makes me hungy like a bear xD
And i have my psychologist and psychiatrist I love them they help c:
I disliked them at first…but I dunno they really try and understand so I give them a chance..
Lucky you in that sence, i’ve been with two doctors -one of them sent me to a third- and it worked for nothing… i confuse them or somthing without wanting it
I know how ya feel…
my first psychologist was not that great…so i switched to a girl
ive met other psychologist who I havent felt were too great..
I like messing with mine but shes okay with that so..maybe
thats why I like her? Ima go lay down not feeling happy like usual :/
Sleep tight angellilith and sweet dreams dun be sad be happy c:
I’ve tried flu medicine, it didn’t make me sleep all too fast and I woke up within like 4 or 5 hours…
Anywho, ye at least we got each other here on SP heh.
I have yet to try a doctor/therapist or whatever, but I’ve been meaning to…
Some are good some aren’t so good…
@WillTickin well but the flu medicine stop the nigth mares for me, if you suffer that, you know thats at least a little
When i was 12 i was driving myself so crazy i asked for a psycologist and my parents took me, the doctor made some test and sent me to a psychiatrist who wanted me to take pills but my parets didn’t want and i was doing “good” so i stoped therapy. Then, in 2011 december i fell in a huge depression and my paretns took me again but this time with a therapist, i made her believe i was calling atention because of my parents possibly divorce so my therapy ended…
I’m really good at keeping people away from my truth, that’s why doctors can’t help me
Ah well at least it does that for you. I don’t often dream, wish I did – even nightmares…
Wow, at 12 eh? I mean at least you reached partially. I think you do have to let the therapist know what’s going on in your head – you can’t expect them to use telepathic powers… Therapy and well help in general isn’t really possible unless YOU actually want help and let someone in to understand – even if it’s a little bit.
I became depressed at 12. I went through that depression for therest of my life so far (ha im only 16). After being hospitalized they took me to a therapist. I love my therapist. She truely cares about me and me overcoming this depression. But some therapists aren’t good. I guess its like 50/50.
hi AL .. I can’t relate to be honest but this is my pov:
you have EVERY RIGHT to feel the way you feel
don’t let your logic try to justify or dismiss how you feel .. sometimes you have to embrace your emotions/feelings instead of wondering if they’re appropriate or not .. the next step would be to grasp what those feelings are trying to tell you about your current situation, needs that exist on a profound level etc
to not accept them because your logic is telling you they aren’t appropriate is more likely to increase your confusion, guilt
and what exactly do you mean by darkness ?
is it unexplainable sadness ? anger ?
do you feel like because of your life circumstances, you’ll never allow yourself to express that unexplained darkness ?
what i mean with darkness is all the bad feelings on me, they are so strog i can’t even have a name for each… but i would say that mainly anger, depression, hysteria and more all mixed
i don’t think it’s about my life, is more about control… if i let it go i could drive myself so crazy that i could never ever go back to -at least- what i’m now