Hey ItGirl; I’ve been through some relationships and they all ended up badly. The most recent one I’ve been through is by far the worst because “He Told Me / Promised He Would Help Me, Instead, He abandoned Me”. I say that in quotations because I ranted about what happened as a SP post a week ago. Just type your situation and choose whether or not to publish it. Typing it will release the stress- it did for me, but unless I know what happened in your relationship, I can’t give you direct/specific advice.
Hope this is a start for you. Just hang in there for now because it’s a shame to give up. For me, I look back at that moment when I was with him and i’d just laugh.
And, it's a long story. Haha..so get ready! I'm just gonna throw out everything.
So, I've been dating this guy a little over 7 months. And at first for the first few months, he was amazing & I never thought I'd find someone like him..but I was lucky. So I made some mistakes at the beginning of our relationship, such as putting myself out there a little too much at a party..sometimes I crave attention, just speaking the truth. And, I also did a couple other things. I wasn't ready to fully commit…& I feel so bad about all that I did. He didn't deserve any of it…I feel so bad, from the heart. More than anything I wish I would have made better decisions. But, ever since then..I have been devoted to him, for the past few months…he's been calling me really mean names daily (whore/slut/****/dirty). They all hurt SO much, and he doesn't get it..he is permanently damaging my selfworth. I don't even feel good about my myself & I don't know who I am anymore. He's hurting me so badly :'( I've cut a couple times after I promised myself I wouldn't ever do it again. And, I get really scared when he's mad..he screams in my face & one time he pushed me down & I fell on a coffee table. I don't know what to do. Sometimes he'll even bring up my past & I feel like I've said sorry enough & I feel remorse. I don't wanna lose this guy. I love him so so so much, and we have memories. I feel so stuck :'( & I don't know what to do :'(
ItGirl; Thank you for being so open to me. I really appreciate it and the more you “throw it at me” , the more I actually understand (ironic). Now get ready for my response:
Believe it or not, we’re very quite similar. I THINK I know how you’re feeling because i’ve been through everything you explained just above. Sure enough, it happened with my most recent. Let me just tell you how I feel first:
I’m so mad at myself for being the way I am- he’s a nice guy and I wish I was a better person for him. He promised he would help me get through my troubles but (like you said) he’d always bring it up. Weeks passed and he started to turn like he doesn’t care anymore. He started to call me names and make fun of my past. He started to critisize/insult me so much (like a totally different person) and yet I still care a lot about him. He would always push me into walls too (like how you fell on the coffee table). I absolutely HATE to provoke him becuase when he gets mad, HE GETS MAD. And when this happens, I get really scared (like you) because he starts to swear, get out of control, and starts to yell in my face. There’s a lot of tension between us yet we’re so close (if you knwo what I mean). It’s like we’re full of opposites, yet we have so much in common. I always complained and whined to him and I felt sorry for what he had to put up with- I just couldn’t help it. It was luck how we met but I feel bad that I couldn’t be better for him. I didn’t want to ruin things between us and now we don’t even see each other (things got messed up… long story).
Haven’t that said, I need to ask you one more thing (sorry), are you still with him? (I have two totally different advice I could give depending on if you’re still with him or not)\
Sorry for the rant- I enjoyed reading every word of yours though; I’m very sorry this had to happen to you too. Guys just suck sometimes.
Yup, true, guys suck most times!
He’s using your past mistake (cheating?) to abuse you now.
It’s not your fault, he chooses to abuse you.
Even if you never made any mistakes he would abuse you any way.
He always does this in relationships, and he will in the next.
Your path is clear.
You need to take control of your own life.
You might need alot of support from others but he needs to be dumped.
Peace
Talking to you is actually somewhat making me feel better.
Did we date the same guy? Lol….your relationship reminds me exactly like mine. And, also I would try to whine to him…& all that other bs. Most of the people at my school think I’m crazy because I just let all of my feelings out..but they dont see everything that goes on between us. I feel so lost, sometimes I just don’t wanna have sex and he gets really mad, so I feel obligated and just give in…& yes I’m still with him.
ItGirl; Also when we were dating, he always flirted with other girls as if I wasn’t even there! Then he’d say “are you jealous now?”. He knows it bothers me and yes it does make me jealous- but when I left him, I don’t regret it. He’s nice to have as a friend, but not as a boyfriend. I have very nice people by my side that supports me in saying that “yes, he is an idiot. yes, he’s a jerk. He shouldn’t have done any of that to you and you should have never deserved it.”
So from that point on, when I knew he wasn’t right for me, (heck i’m not even looking for a boyfriend… he promised to help me get better) I just left him. We’re still friends (though I barely talk to him) and it’s one of the best decisions I’ve made. I could have left him angrily and never speak to him again.
Sorry for the self-absorbed rant, i’m just trying to relate myself to what might have happened to you.
Don’t be sorry, I also enjoying listening to your story, makes me feel like I’m not alone & you actually understand what I’m going through & that feels reassuring. I never actually cheated, but I know what I did was wrong..I’ve paid for it long enough. His words are slowly breaking me down..I know he’s been faithful..this just all hurts so much 🙁
Just focus on the good times you had together rather than the stuff that’s hurting you inside. Someone on SP gave me that advice and sure enough, it’s working for now. I know there’s probably a lot on your mind. You could try isolating your mind with something else; perhaps listening to music or singing? Just concentrate on something else.
Good ideas! Do you still think I should be with him? I’m so devoted and am willing to almost do anything to stay with him, but he needs to do some changing as well..
13 comments
Hey ItGirl; I’ve been through some relationships and they all ended up badly. The most recent one I’ve been through is by far the worst because “He Told Me / Promised He Would Help Me, Instead, He abandoned Me”. I say that in quotations because I ranted about what happened as a SP post a week ago. Just type your situation and choose whether or not to publish it. Typing it will release the stress- it did for me, but unless I know what happened in your relationship, I can’t give you direct/specific advice.
Hope this is a start for you. Just hang in there for now because it’s a shame to give up. For me, I look back at that moment when I was with him and i’d just laugh.
Thank you<3
And, it's a long story. Haha..so get ready! I'm just gonna throw out everything.
So, I've been dating this guy a little over 7 months. And at first for the first few months, he was amazing & I never thought I'd find someone like him..but I was lucky. So I made some mistakes at the beginning of our relationship, such as putting myself out there a little too much at a party..sometimes I crave attention, just speaking the truth. And, I also did a couple other things. I wasn't ready to fully commit…& I feel so bad about all that I did. He didn't deserve any of it…I feel so bad, from the heart. More than anything I wish I would have made better decisions. But, ever since then..I have been devoted to him, for the past few months…he's been calling me really mean names daily (whore/slut/****/dirty). They all hurt SO much, and he doesn't get it..he is permanently damaging my selfworth. I don't even feel good about my myself & I don't know who I am anymore. He's hurting me so badly :'( I've cut a couple times after I promised myself I wouldn't ever do it again. And, I get really scared when he's mad..he screams in my face & one time he pushed me down & I fell on a coffee table. I don't know what to do. Sometimes he'll even bring up my past & I feel like I've said sorry enough & I feel remorse. I don't wanna lose this guy. I love him so so so much, and we have memories. I feel so stuck :'( & I don't know what to do :'(
ItGirl; Thank you for being so open to me. I really appreciate it and the more you “throw it at me” , the more I actually understand (ironic). Now get ready for my response:
Believe it or not, we’re very quite similar. I THINK I know how you’re feeling because i’ve been through everything you explained just above. Sure enough, it happened with my most recent. Let me just tell you how I feel first:
I’m so mad at myself for being the way I am- he’s a nice guy and I wish I was a better person for him. He promised he would help me get through my troubles but (like you said) he’d always bring it up. Weeks passed and he started to turn like he doesn’t care anymore. He started to call me names and make fun of my past. He started to critisize/insult me so much (like a totally different person) and yet I still care a lot about him. He would always push me into walls too (like how you fell on the coffee table). I absolutely HATE to provoke him becuase when he gets mad, HE GETS MAD. And when this happens, I get really scared (like you) because he starts to swear, get out of control, and starts to yell in my face. There’s a lot of tension between us yet we’re so close (if you knwo what I mean). It’s like we’re full of opposites, yet we have so much in common. I always complained and whined to him and I felt sorry for what he had to put up with- I just couldn’t help it. It was luck how we met but I feel bad that I couldn’t be better for him. I didn’t want to ruin things between us and now we don’t even see each other (things got messed up… long story).
Haven’t that said, I need to ask you one more thing (sorry), are you still with him? (I have two totally different advice I could give depending on if you’re still with him or not)\
Sorry for the rant- I enjoyed reading every word of yours though; I’m very sorry this had to happen to you too. Guys just suck sometimes.
Yup, true, guys suck most times!
He’s using your past mistake (cheating?) to abuse you now.
It’s not your fault, he chooses to abuse you.
Even if you never made any mistakes he would abuse you any way.
He always does this in relationships, and he will in the next.
Your path is clear.
You need to take control of your own life.
You might need alot of support from others but he needs to be dumped.
Peace
Talking to you is actually somewhat making me feel better.
Did we date the same guy? Lol….your relationship reminds me exactly like mine. And, also I would try to whine to him…& all that other bs. Most of the people at my school think I’m crazy because I just let all of my feelings out..but they dont see everything that goes on between us. I feel so lost, sometimes I just don’t wanna have sex and he gets really mad, so I feel obligated and just give in…& yes I’m still with him.
ItGirl; Also when we were dating, he always flirted with other girls as if I wasn’t even there! Then he’d say “are you jealous now?”. He knows it bothers me and yes it does make me jealous- but when I left him, I don’t regret it. He’s nice to have as a friend, but not as a boyfriend. I have very nice people by my side that supports me in saying that “yes, he is an idiot. yes, he’s a jerk. He shouldn’t have done any of that to you and you should have never deserved it.”
So from that point on, when I knew he wasn’t right for me, (heck i’m not even looking for a boyfriend… he promised to help me get better) I just left him. We’re still friends (though I barely talk to him) and it’s one of the best decisions I’ve made. I could have left him angrily and never speak to him again.
Sorry for the self-absorbed rant, i’m just trying to relate myself to what might have happened to you.
Don’t be sorry, I also enjoying listening to your story, makes me feel like I’m not alone & you actually understand what I’m going through & that feels reassuring. I never actually cheated, but I know what I did was wrong..I’ve paid for it long enough. His words are slowly breaking me down..I know he’s been faithful..this just all hurts so much 🙁
Just focus on the good times you had together rather than the stuff that’s hurting you inside. Someone on SP gave me that advice and sure enough, it’s working for now. I know there’s probably a lot on your mind. You could try isolating your mind with something else; perhaps listening to music or singing? Just concentrate on something else.
Good ideas! Do you still think I should be with him? I’m so devoted and am willing to almost do anything to stay with him, but he needs to do some changing as well..
lol ur at the end? XD
Nu uh I’m At The End buahahahaha
he needs to change if he really wants to be with you 🙂
Haha.
I want him to change, I’m not happy at all anymore, but I can only blame myself.
If he can’t change find someone who can…
that’s my best advice :/
I don’t know when to say enough is enough..