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Your son should be in a psychiatric institution

by maybe_soon_500_days_of_you
written by maybe_soon_500_days_of_you

Oh look, the window is open and I am in the 9. Floor. Enough distance to the ground for me. What would people say if I will go mad? Hey mom! Your son is in a psychiatric institution. What would all the people think? I wish I would die now. NOW! FUCK FOR SAKE I CAN’T FORGET YOU ….. and I can barely live without you. No one left for me. Can’t see a reason for being on earth anymore. I know where you were some hours ago. I know I was invited too. Why didn’t I came with you? WHY THE FUCK did I denied my only friend? Because I love you? Because I can’t get you out of my mind? I am thinking every hour about 3-4 times on you. For more then a whole year by now. Actually I don’t want to stop thinking about you. What have I done? What have I done to myself? Why? WHY????? I want to die. There is nothing left for me. I just want to die. Disappear, never come back…. but I know I will stay here. I am to weak to kill myself. But I also refuse to live in this world. Can’t help myself, where are you now? Tomorrow will be another day, the weather is awesome this week, another day in hell for me. Another day to suffer from you. Another day to live in loneliness. Wish you were near, but you are not. What have I done? Why is my world so fucked? Why can’t I get out of it? Why am I having zero real friends? What’s wrong with me? The window is still opened wide and no one is here who could stop me…

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4 comments

emptiness7 4/27/2012 - 6:04 pm

What happened? Where is your friend? Maybe your paths will cross again?

AngelLilith 4/27/2012 - 10:48 pm

Are you thinking on jump? I’ve gone trough more or less the same, but i think you can keep holding on if you just find a little thing that could make you better.

Stay, we are here for support you

maybe_soon_500_days_of_you 4/28/2012 - 1:27 am

hey, I am still here
Now, is the next day, I know I will make it to the next day too.

@emptiness7 I fell in love with my friend (now my crush), she denied me and left me alone, broke up all connections to me. Worse is that she was my last real good friend. I am alone now for more then one month and I can not handle this loneliness. Yesterday, was my last chance to see her in the next time and I wasn’t there. I think it is the best if I try to forget her, although I know that I can’t.

Jumping off a high building would be a fast death. Wish I could do this, but I can’t let do this to my family. I know it would terrible hurt them.

I just needed to tell someone how I was feeling, because in the real world I have got no one……

emptiness7 4/28/2012 - 1:42 am

Ugh. A month ago I had a crazy mess with a good friend too and I know how much it hurts. I just keep telling myself that if it was real, then it’ll work itself out in time. I feel like I’m lying but I can’t figure out what else to do. But if it hurts, it isn’t good for either of you.

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