Today I found that my Dad is in the hospital. It’s nothing serious, apparently, but they’re going to keep watch on his shoulder, which is broken.
Thinking about this has made me wonder.
He’s always hurting himself, by working too hard. That’s all he ever does; work. He’s hardly ever home, an lives on a different planet. He can’t communicate.
It makes me wonder; he doesn’t have to work so much. He’s wearing himself into the ground for no reason.
Is it because he doesn’t want to be around us?
Or around me?
I wouldn’t be surprised. No one in my family really likes me– in fact, they can’t stand me.
I know that, and have accepted it.
So why did the realization that he might be avoiding us-me- hurt so much?
I really am a useless, pathetic, clingy wuss.
5 comments
Don’t worry your not useless i felt the same way bout my mom and that half the failmaly since my mom abandoned me and had to go to jail for abusing me and my brother who raped me. Also my dads side abandoned me to since my grandpa also raped me. Trus me your not useless not pathetic your much more. I really dont get contact with me failmaly besides my parents. Trust me god never gives you more then you can handle and that makes you stonger when you are older. So the people now who get everything they want cause the parents will buy it for them or your failmayl doesnt care. Dont worry they dont matter just get a good job find some one who loves you and would do anything for you and have fun with your life it may suck right now but you’ll be stronger in the future 🙂
I doubt your father would feel that way about you or your family, he doesn’t abuse you does he? maybe he just works a lot because he can’t think of what to do with himself when he’s not working, some people are like that, maybe he wants to communicate but doesn’t know how to start. If you feel like your family thinks that way about you and you want to show them your not like that then maybe get a part time job? at least you get some money as well as satisfaction, only if you want to though. But hey remember, only YOU have to right to say who you are.
she’s right and im sure i learned that since joining this place. it doesnt matter what other thinks its what you feel inside.
@Emochick: where you referring to me? I’m a guy lol.
i third that….. my dad is a workaholic and it’s strange in a way to read what you wrote, because i know that my dad’s woraholism is part of what got my brother down (he recently shot himself in the head, and that’s kind of why i’m here, among other things) – it got me down a lot too. and he was a poor communicator who didn’t always know how to reach out. i’m sorry it’s affecting you this way. it’s hard too when you feel estranged from your family… i always have too. but trust me – there are sooooo many people in this world, and different groups and places to go…. get yourself enabled to get out of the house more (like MyChoice and EmoChick are saying, a job is a big step in the right direction) and things will at the very least become more interesting. I was really depressed and sick….eating disorders for years… and i knew that the thing that would help the most was getting out of the place that depressed me – and that, sad to say, was my home.
as far as why your dad might be avoiding your family (and this is possible too) – it’s possible that if you knew more about his past, you might know more about why he acts this way now. but please understand, that’s all his struggle. his history. my parents made bad choices (and some good ones) with my brothers and i because of how they grew up and my dad I know was a workaholic because he just didn’t want to deal with my mom and sometimes with us kids…..
(hugs) you will, like EmoChick says, be stronger when you’re older. I wanted so much to see my youngest brother grow up and get out of that house and be better…. life changes soooo much over the years. just keep at it. seems like forever to get out but it’s really not 🙂