I looked outside of my window this afternoon and noticed, as if for the first time, the wooden pillars that hold up a sheet over our patio. My thoughts instantly went to ‘I can buy some rope and hang myself there.’ and I smiled. It’s kind of pretty, it’s right next to a large bush of flowers that grows above our shed.
I think it might be too short for a proper hanging though, so I’ll have to somehow fix it.
It feels nice to have a decision.
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A decision is good, it is just hard to decide when.
It is hard; I want to do September, and I’m really leaning off towards that month, but I also want to do it soon enough so I won’t do a ‘Oh I have so much to live for, I’ll just wait a couple of years’. I know if I wait too long, I’ll convince myself it was a phase and then I’ll just screw my life over again.
Decisions, decisions, decisions.