I used to be able to bottle up all my emotions and then later when i cut myself it wouldn’t matter what mood i was in as it would still feel good.
Although i just cut myself and i felt nothing. I still enjoyed seeing the blood, picking where i should scar myself and then bandaging it after but i didn’t get the rush i used to get.
This scares me, if i can’t cut myself. I have nothing left.
Am i so empty that i can’t even feel my self inflicted pain anymore?
What the fuck do i do now?!
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I don’t know, but I hope you can find a way to enjoy life without cutting eventually.
I can’t feel anything so how am i meant to enjoy it?
I just don’t see any other way out..
I don’t know. I’ve often felt the same way and probably will again.
But at the moment, I’d like to feel other things like a hug or something. I don’t know.
I wish you well.
When i first gave up cutting, i started using methods of hurting myself that wouldn’t put myself at risk. For example i would take tight rubber bands, put them on the places i would cut (Wrists, arms, etc) and would pull them back as tight as i could, then would let them go. After a while you will start feeling a rush from seeing yourself improve rather than from the pain. You may be skeptical, but just give it a try. Also instead of bottling up those feelings I would write songs or poems, but if you’re not creative there isn’t wrong in writing these things down and getting them off your chest.
Start working out, good way to get a rush and inflict pain on yourself, except it’s actually beneficial and you won’t have scars to hide from other people. Seriously it makes me kind of laugh when I think bad to my cutting years, I felt like it was so deep and dark and dramatic to sit there and cut myself a little bit. Now I know that throwing 300lbs on your shoulders and doing squats until you want to throw up is a real way to torture yourself. Next time you’re feeling really upset do pushups or some kind of basic exercise until you can’t take it anymore, it’s a great way to get rid of stress.
Same thing is happening to me. I know one thing I used to do was have a burning candle and pour the wax on my wrist. I can’t do that in this house-my grandparents :/ and so I started cutting a while ago. Andnow I don’t feel it and I really miss the candle wax. Good luck finding something. I’m sorry it’s happening to you too..