I am so incredibly tired of living. Of dealing with everything, and of putting up with people. Especially the people who think that it is their mission to “save” me, when I don’t want to be saved. I’m tired of waking up every morning, and never actually accomplishing anything except, for living life on a endless repeat button. This isn’t a life, and nothing anyone ever says or does can change anything. People tell me all the time that,”things will get better.” No, it won’t, it’s been six years and nothing has changed. I can’t overcome my past, I can’t deal with the present, and I can’t do this anymore.
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I know how you feel.
Best of luck in whatever you choose. I hope you enjoy yourself as much as possible between now and then, even if it’s only intermittently.
trust me I feel the exact same way.
I found myself nodding in agreement with you until I got to the, “it’s been six years.” Are you me? That’s exactly how long I’ve been hanging on by a thread with the mentality that “things will get better.” At this point I’m convinced that they don’t.
I haven’t seen life get easier. It is an endless repeat button. I agree. But we’re winning the war cause we’re still freaking here. And that’s what no one wants to admit. We might be exhausted. We might not be able to sleep. We might want to be dead cause it sucks BUT…
I got something for ya. I’m not trying to save you either. But, here’s the fun part to mess with the war. Don’t become complacent in the war. Fight back. Change one thing. One. Take a martial art. Take yoga. Write. Draw. Even if you suck at it. Do it. Fight back. It just takes a little fortitude. Even if you’re tired. Focus on something totally different. Just for an hour. And then keep working at it. And if you don’t like it or decide you aren’t good at it, switch it up. And do it all over again.
They called those types of people renaissance men. And guess what? You may never find anything you like, but you’ll have some excellent experiences and stories to tell people. Won’t you? And then when you keep changing enough that it becomes the pattern, change it again by going back to the original repeat cycle. And then when that becomes the pattern you hate, switch again.
Just an idea. Eventually, you might end up being good at a whole lot of things but great at none. And really, what’s wrong with that? Like I said, just an idea.
Fishing, fishing, fishing. It works!