I’m 14 years old. I feel suicidal, but no-one knows that its this bad. They just thing I’m dark and depressing. I have been wanting to commit suicide for so long, but I can’t. Because…
I can’t leave my family behind. I love them, and I don’t even see half of them that much, so any time at all I have with them is rare. I don’t want to leave them wondering and feeling upset.
I’m being selfish, thinking about suicide, and not how my friends or family would feel if I went through with it.
And also… I’m scared. What happens when we die? Is this it, then are we gone? Or do we go to hell, or heaven? What if we’re just stuck in limbo? I don’t want to find out…
I scratch my legs, and run hot water over it, just to feel pain. I cry whenever I’m alone and I feel stupid. I can’t use a knife or self-harm in any other way – I’m too scared. I’m such a wimp. I hate myself, and yet here there are, other people in worse conditions. I feel ashamed of myself for being such a coward.
82 comments
You are NOT a coward. I have some of the same feelings. I understand. If you ever wanna talk, you can comment or email me at kenzie.fallenangel33@gmail.com
If you ever need help or advice, I’ll be here, I’m 14 too.
just stop being an idiot and dont kill yourself and why would you want to hurt yourself its dumb
you’re telling a 14 y/o to stop being an idiot. how low can you get?
ΓβΓΒΎΓΒΓβ¦ΓΒΈΓβΓΒΈΓβΓΒ΅ΓΒ»ΓΕΓΒ½ΓβΉΓΒ΅ ΓΒ·ΓΒ°ΓΒΏΓΒΈΓΒΓΒΎΓβ‘ΓΒΊΓΒΈ ΓΒ·ΓΒ΄ΓΒ΅ΓΒΓΕ.. ΓΒΈΓβ¦ ΓΒ±ΓβΉ ΓΒ² ΓΒΊΓΒ½ΓΒΈΓΒΆΓΒΊΓΖ ΓΒ΄ΓΒ° ΓΒΎΓΒΏΓΖΓΒ±ΓΒ»ΓΒΈΓΒΊΓΒΎΓΒ²ΓΒ°ΓβΓΕ ΓΒ ΓΒΏΓΒ΅Γβ¬ΓΒ²ΓΒΎΓΒ΄ΓΒΎΓΒΌ ΓΒ½ΓΒ° 68 ΓΒΓΒ·ΓβΉΓΒΊΓΒΎΓΒ²Γ’β¬Β¦
So.. I don’t see any reason to interrupt your life and break down your parent’s livesΓ’β¬Β¦ Really, problems is everywhere but that is life. lots of troubles, some happy, shining moments, shinning into your memory. Sometimes we are alone and nobody cares, but it isn’t end of life. you just need to go through, handle it. black stripes sooner or later comes to an end and you can influence how and when it happens.
ΓΒΓβ¦Γβ¦, ΓΒ ΓΒ΄ΓΒ°ΓΒΆΓΒ΅ ΓΒ²ΓβΉΓβ¬ΓΖΓΒ³ΓΒ°ΓβΓΕΓΒΓΒ ΓΒ½ΓΒΎΓβ¬ΓΒΌΓΒ°ΓΒ»ΓΕΓΒ½ΓΒΎ ΓΒ½ΓΒ° ΓΒ²ΓΒ΅ΓΒ»ΓΒΈΓΒΊΓΒΎΓΒΌ, ΓΒ½ΓΒ° ΓΒ±Γβ¬ΓΒΈΓβΓΒ°ΓΒ½ΓΒΓΒΊΓΒΎΓΒΌ ΓΒ½ΓΒ΅ ΓΒΌΓΒΎΓΒ³ΓΖ. ΓΒΏΓΒ΅Γβ‘ΓΒ°ΓΒ»ΓΕΓΒΊΓΒ°..
well everyone knows she is not going to do it so she should just stop its not like its hard
everyone knows but your words dont help at all. theres only so much you can take before you take your feelings to strangers. save yourself some time & do something productive
thank you sophie… that was very nice of you… how can I repay you?
The truth is, you can listen to these people, but the ultimate decision is up to YOU. What do you want? If you’re still here, then that means you have a reason to live.
sophie – your last comment is straight to the point
whoooaaa. i feel famous π
Your just being an attention whore stop crying and get over it
@nbarules16 why do you ever have an account on here? Go ***** to someone else not the people here.
nbarules u REALLY NEED TO FUCK OFF! if u think u r so fucking smart become a teacher at least its productive
please ignore it .. it feeds off negative energy
@Nbarules16 Bro, you really need to get off this site. That was completely uncalled for and you definately owe allmyhopeislostx a sincere apology for that last remark.
Are you gonna be my mommy and make me apologize.f off
I don’t waste my time on people like you. Peace out
Oh yeah dont waste yourr timee on me waste your time on mee waste your time being a failure and crying about it
nbarules16 why don’t u fuck off and go to your own NBA sites and ***** with people there. e. Leave this poor girl alone. I’m sorry she has emotions and you don’t. ImmortalBae is right, apologize to her u immature dick.
u know nbarules im a serious ***** when i wanna be! FUCK OFF GET OFF THIS WEBSITE IT ISNT FOR U! THE ONLY FAILURE ON THIS SITE IS U FOR BEING A CRUEL PERSON TO ALL OF US! HONESTLY GO GET A JOB BECOME A PRODUCTIVE PERSON NOT A WORTHLESS ONE! BEING ON HERE IS NOT YOUR JOB OKAY TRY DEALING WITH EVERYTHING ALL OF US GO THROUGH AND TELL ME IF U WANT THE SAME COMMENTS BACK AT U! JUST GET OFF THIS WEBSITE YOU ARE THE PATHETIC ONE LAUGHING AT US JUST FUCK OFF DAMNIT!
so he/she’s back
fakingit: RESPECT
I wouldnt be laughing if you all werent weirdos with problems and some of you are stupid goths that are atention whores
and what exactly are you? spending all your free time on a suicide site? i really dont know anyone that wastes their time here other than the people that really need to. do you ever take a shower? do you eat? do you have a family to go to? cause so far, all your time’s been invested here
nbarules16 let me ask you something. Why are you even here? Huh? Why are you belittling every single person here? Do you get a thrill out of this huh? Do you feel better than everyone else when you insult us? Are you so pathetic that you have to insult troubled people just so that you can feel better than everyone just because your actual life is in fact actually so sad?
Its just funto laugh at losers i admit i aam a little twisted but instead of trying to push it away i am embracing it like i hate nigggers and i think hitler was right to get rid of the jews
nobody asked you who you liked and who you dont like cause honestly, i cant put a face to someone like you. do you wanna answer the fucking question?
My life is great
dude, nbarules u need help seriously who made u so messed up?
Wow i am a loser im sorry for ever cominng on this site i will never come on this site again @faking i am messed up what you just said has really opened my eyes i am sorry for all the horrible things i have said
i honestly think you’re no different than the other people on this site. you just dont know how to socialize. i imagine you eating alone every day for the rest of your life and i feel bad. but i probably wouldnt help
nbarules16 everyday, someone dies of suicide. Everyday a life is taken. Why? Because of people like you. You think it’s funny to laugh at us. You think we do this for attention? People don’t kill themselves for attention. People kill themselves because of people like you. People like you are the reason for so many deaths every year. You call us stupid and attention whores. Guess what? Now you made that person feel so low that they’re gone. They’re dead! All because you couldn’t keep one fuckin comment to yourself.
nbarules16 first of all it wasn’t even Hitler’s plan to begin with. It was Heinrich Himmler’s everyone should fucking get that into their heads. Second of all i think i can pinpoint you now.
You’re a redneck aren’t you. You’re part of the KKK aren’t you.
Fuck you. Go to hell. whatever you’ll end up there anyways.
@ allmyhopesislost just edit that troll out of this stream in fact I advise everyone to erase this I sensertive idiot off the site and report him her no messages of hate are to be tolerated report and remove easy..take care
Insensertive I meant
@nbarules-hope its not sarcasm i hope u really are sorry
I am litterlay crying right now im so sorry i deserve to be shot i am a horrible person please forgive me and if you cant i understand i am wretched
I for one don’t believe you nbarules 16 I think you are just playing with people give it a rest
Please i hope noone has listened to me i am scum i am so sorry i just hope noone listened to me i wish everyone could whip me for all the despicable things ive said
@molly i swear im sorry just please believe mei
wow, honestly idk what to believe i dont think u can go from so cruel to understanding what u did so quickly.
bullshit
I just realized after you said i was messed up that i was messed up what kind of monster am i telling people to kill themselves because it would be funny i just started crng thinking what if somebody listened to me god would hold me responsible that would make me a murdere
Sorry i meant crying
And what if i were in there shoes life is horrible and they find this place where they find peace and a idiot like me ruins it and makes me feel worse than before
nbarules16 stop. just stop. okay. everyone just stop. stop having this fight on allmyhopeislostx’s post. It’s not appreciatable from her point of view. It’s also immature, excuse me. This site is supposed to be about acceptance and understanding. Nbarules16 just don’t ever talk hate again.
well in a way yes u would be partially responsible. your intentions on here was waaay outa line and immature. i wanna believe u but u really pushed it with everything u said to a lot of us there was no excuse for it. and for u to suddenly feel sorry just cuz i said your messed up seems like your up to something for all we know u can say ur sorry under this name but how long will it be til u have a different username and bully us again?
@WINnie yes starting tomorrow i am going to try to help people and share my story and why im so messed up cause the truth is i googled the best way to kill myself and this website came up awnd i tried to pretend that i was better than everyone else aand i did itt in the name oof my god what a joke im no better than than the crusaders who killed innocent women and children in the name of god
Sorry about my typing im doing this on my phone
@faking i swear on my life i wil not bbullly you again heres all the lies i toold on this website i am not 17 i aam 14 i am not racist my girlfriend is jewish and ii am pm18
@nbarules…
umm bi-polar much? you need to see a therapist get some meds and take a nap, seriously.
No i am not bbi polar i have been to a therapist and im add andd on asntiddepreessants sorry about my phone tyyping
@nbarules Omg. i’m actually watching a segment on crusaders. lol. Anyways, it’s easy for you to type out all of this on your phone on to the website. The important thing is that you feel it in your heart, your apology and what you’re saying to me. It’s your first step into becoming a better person. We can all take your apology and walk away but you need to feel it. Look you’re a complete stranger, i can just not give a shit and no longer reply on this post. We can all walk away. But i want you to know that your apology will count only if you truly feel it. And as long as you truly promise YOURSELF that you will no longer feel like you’re better than everyone else then, you don’t need to feel like the shit we made you feel. Change nbarules. Change now. Take your first step into bettering yourself.
-Don’t ever do this again.
@nbarules Omg. i’m actually watching a segment on crusaders. lol. Anyways, it’s easy for you to type out all of this on your phone on to the website. The important thing is that you feel it in your heart, your apology and what you’re saying to me. It’s your first step into becoming a better person. We can all take your apology and walk away but you need to feel it. Look you’re a complete stranger, i can just not give a shit and no longer reply on this post. We can all walk away. But i want you to know that your apology will count only if you truly feel it. And as long as you truly promise YOURSELF that you will no longer feel like you’re better than everyone else then, you don’t need to feel like the shit we made you feel. Change nbarules. Change now. Take your first step into bettering yourself.
-Don’t ever do this again.
shit sorry for the double post.
MY GOD NBARULES16 HOW THE HELL COULD YOU SAY THAT THING ABOUT HITLER IF YOUR GIRLFRIEND WAS JEWISH. IMAGINE SHE FUCKING SAW THAT.
I swear i wontt and i am allso reaally into hhistory just liike you
@nbarules-
okay I think I get it now… I used to talk shit to people on the old aol chat rooms when i was about 13, i am now 23.
that was way back before cyber bulling was known about and at your age its common to do stupid things, i know i did.
I can see how someone as young as yourself could get a kick/confidence/idk outta coming on a site and pretending to be someone your not. but your just hiding behind a computer screen this is not healthy. i believe your story because obviously you did not stumble on this site by accident. so if you want someone to talk to, im here.
Yeah i know she would kill me
@evil thee reason i cyberbully is cause i am at the bottom of the ffood chain in my school cause i like stupid stuff like pokemon so it feltt good to pretend i was at the top of the food chain
@nbarules16. She won’t kill you. She’ll leave and that’s going to cause you to kill yourself. Don’t be an asshole because seriously it’s going to come back to you later.
And i agree with EvilBritBrat. I think you’re just confused and you’re immature because you’re just 14. But she’s also right and i was going to say the same thing she said. You didn’t come to this website by accident. I know none of us did. So don’t use this website to disparage people, use it to help yourself and help others. And to understand more and to find your way out.
nbarules- ok ok i get it now. just be on here for help not to bully. we would like u better that way.
Ok i dontt lke pokemmon but i do likee neerdy things like chess and scieence
@nb
hahaha okay kid well as i said before im always here to talk i have an email and a facebook if your interested. i used to be at the verrry bottom of the food chain for a very long time in school. alway in fact that didn’t change until college so dont worry okay and there are plenty of sites that you can go on with your false persona but this is defiantly not one of them. i am very new to this site but i can already tell its a pretty tight nite community and you will always get help if you seek it. atleast from me.
@nbarules16 POKEMON IS SO AWESOME. FUCK WHOEVER FOR SAYING IT’S NOT. IT REALLY IS. it has actually brought me more smiles than a bunch people could.
Im sorryy if this iis stupid but what is your emmail you sound cool
britndut@aol.com π
that goes for everyone!
@winnie you dont nott liike me because i like pokemon? Because whenever i get a new frieend they usuaally dittch me after they find out ii like pokemon
Oh and im sorry ffor swearing you can sweear but i just dont do it and im not ttrying to say im better than you i just only swear whhen i hurt myyseelf
@nbarules16 I’m a senior in high school and a bunch of us love pokemon. Middle finger to every single asshole and ***** who says pokemon is lame.
So how did you get interested in history
let’s share emails. i don’t think we should be talking about this stuff on someone else’s post anymore. Mine’s miniwinnie27@gmail.com
Could somebody please block this troll nbarules. He serves no purpose here, other than belittling others just to make himself feel better. That’s pathetic. If you feel bad, dude, just say so. We’ll help you. If you just want to be a douche…you deserve what you get. Straight.
Nbarules I don’t believe you. I don’t believe a 14 yr old would lie about being 17 and I don’t believe a non racist person would ever pretend to be racist. I think you are kind of a jerk, an now because everyone hates you, you are pretending to be young and non racist, but I doubt your authenticity. I also dont believe you have a girlfriend. I cant imagine anyone wanting to date someone so hateful. Ultimately I don’t care, I don’t think you are smart or persuasive enough to be a threat. You are only embarrassing yourself. I hope you make genuine change in your life someday, maybe then you will make friends
Allmyhope I don’t think you should feel weak for not dying. I think you should feel string and a compassionate person for hanging in there for yr family. They must love you a lot and am sure they are not the only ones
@one the only reason i came on this site was to vent hate at other people i would never hate my girlfriend and another reason i came on here was to pretend i was 17.and i was pretending to be a racist cause i loved the negative energy
@one the only reason i came on this site was to vent hate at other people i would never hate my girlfriend and another reason i came on here was to pretend i was 17.and i was pretending to be a racist cause i loved the negative energy.
Just intruding here, FUCK YEAH POKEMON!!!!!, that is all.
@nba … so I’m mildly curious … what is it you “hate” that you feel it appropriate to “vent” it on others? What “hate” that you can’t discuss with those that know you can be so important that you feel is “ok” to spew at people you don’t even know? and do you have any understanding that this is not a “playground”? and that there are REAL people here with REAL issues? people that YOU could have KILLED with your random hateful words … like a drive-by gang banger shoots at a rival gang member but … oops … too bad that 6 year old was in the way … as long as the “target” got “the message”, everything else is acceptable. Is that how it works with you? As long as it make you “feel” entertained or your stress is relieved … if one of the people here jumps or hangs … who cares … nbarules feels SO much better?
good luck kid … the way you treat people with such little regard, I can promise you, karma WILL pay it back to you 10-fold … and yes, it is almost a guaranteed certainty you will “hate” your GF … because there will come a day when she will see who you really are and drop you like a hot rock … but, of course it will be all HER fault and you will “hate” her for being so silly to think the naked truth i something she should hold against you.
enjoy it while you can
soothsayer dawg
@dawg i dont believe in karma. but what i hate so much is my life
I agree with that ONE comment nba,
I don’t believe in karma either.
Thanks to most of you for the help and kind words…
@nbarules, I think it’s getting obvious that no-body feels compassion here for you, so if you could please, leave my post alone. In fact leave this site alone. This is not for haters like you.
Allhopeislost you can email me devinbelver@yahoo.com if you ever need to talk. I want to help you π
Your not a wimp. People can stand different amounts of stress, your not weak for being different and its nothing to be ashamed of. If you wanna talk my email is bride.of.paper@gmail.com
Also dont mind nbarules18. I’ve a suspicion that he/she/it is trolling.
Don’t let words hurt you. People say stupid things.