Just want to remember and move one, finally begin to heal!!

I don’t know what to do anymore!! I am so lost and alone! I don’t think my husband loves me anymore, and that just makes it all much worse, than it already is! I’m so angry all the time, but I can’t stop crying! He says he loves me. but for some reason, I can’t believe it, I don’t understand why! I’ve been hurt so much,can’t take it anymore, the pain is unbearable! Somewhere deep down i know it, but I can’t trust it, I can’t trust anyone, never have been able to. He’s the only man that hasn’t given me a reason not to trust him, but I still can’t trust him, no matter how much I want to, I just can’t! It’s all my fault, everything is I don’t know why, It just makes me want to die! I thought if  I just survived my childhood, everything would be alright, how wrong was I? Nothing is alright, that scared little girl is still here, and won’t go away, no one understands, especially my husband. He doesn’t understand how I could have blocked most of my childhood out, but have a flash of things every now and then, either I blocked it all out or none of it and I’m crazy he says, how could u just remember only a few things and not all, I don’t know, I’ve thought about hypnothereapy, but my aunt says remembering is the worst possible thing I could do, why? Some people have to remember in order to understand why they feel the way they feel, and what the flashes of memory are all about, and to be able to move on, RIGHT?  If u had an flasback of yourself and a few other kids running around naked all the time at the babysitters, wouldn’t u want to know why you were all naked?  I just want to understand, remember, move one and finally start to heal!