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ahannah123

my depression

by ahannah123 8/25/2013

written by ahannah123

I’ve changed so much in the last 5 years (I’m 14) I used to be so happy, so carefree,so blameless… what has changed? When did I stop being happy , when did everything become my fault?

I tried to kill myself this summer because I hated my dad and he was always bossing me around and insulting me.I hated him so much that I wanted to run away but I didn’t have anywhere to go… so I decided it would be better if I just killed myself and leave a note that would make him feel guilty… I tried to kill myself but I couldn’t I […]

8/25/2013 3 comments

school thus far

by ahannah123 8/25/2013

written by ahannah123

So far I think school is “ok”… I have : Japanese 1,Algebra 2 honors, Biology 1 honors,English 1 honors ,HOPE(which is P.E),Intensive math(Algebra EOC) and World history honors…

I love the Japanese teacher , he’s not asian but he’s so fluent at Japanese and he’s fun

I don’t like P.E already but I have to take 2 years of “HOPE”

Intensive math(Algebra EOC) is fun too, I have the class because I failed the Algebra EOC 4 TIMES

The English teacher isn’t my favorite and we have work already

The Algebra 2 teacher isÂ extremely nice to everyone

BIOLOGY is kinda boring but it’s better than English honors and P.E

World history is […]

8/25/2013 4 comments

afterlife

by ahannah123 8/24/2013

written by ahannah123

I wonder where I would really go if were to commit suicide today…I guess I fear the unknown , I might’ve killed myself a long time ago if I knew where I was going…I don’t have enough “faith” to beÂ atheist or christian.But I do believe in ghosts , Once IÂ Â heard something whisper call my name or I feel like something’s watching me (especially when I’m alone)Â . And once I had this dream that I was in a dark place and I felt something reach for my stomach and then I woke up my stomach felt weird…

Anyway I think I should becomeÂ atheistÂ or christian but I don’t […]

8/24/2013 18 comments

suicidal

by ahannah123 8/24/2013

written by ahannah123

I promisedÂ myselfÂ I would kill myself before I finish high school (I’m in 9th grade) but I keep onÂ postponing it…sometimes I wish I had enough courage to do it but I don’t want to die alone…I hate it when someone asks me why I want to kill myself… I can’t describe my feelings with words someone would have to feel what I feel to understand…everyday is aÂ struggle to keep myself together , sometimes I feel so alone and unwanted…everyday I wake up I just want to crawl in a hole and die…

I also feel so stressed out when I go to school and it doesn’t make […]

8/24/2013 1 comment

nobody

by ahannah123 8/24/2013

written by ahannah123

even though i’m suicidal i don’t really want to die…

if i were to die it wouldn’t really matter,the earth would still spin and the birds would still sing, hardly anyone would miss me (maybe my family would)

i am a nobody it’s almost as if i don’t exist…

half the people in this world don’t even know i exist, i’m not important…

nobody doesn’t need me or really care about me…

I sick of being myself ,I wish I was never born…

nobody understands me,nobody feels what I feel…

I’m always alone ,whenever I feel sad nobody helps me…

what’s the point of living if I’m going to die anyway…

when I die […]

8/24/2013 2 comments

the list

by ahannah123 8/6/2013

written by ahannah123

For the last 6 months I’ve been suicidalâ€¦

If I ever commit suicide there are a couple of things I want to accomplish firstâ€¦

1 become a professional artist (right now I draw in an anime/manga style really good

2 fall in love (once) maybe twice if Iâ€™m luckyâ€¦

3 go to Japan (maybe Tokyo or Kyoto, or Osaka or HokkaidÅ)

4 Become Atheist or Christian (currently Iâ€™m an agnostic theist and kind of Buddhist)

5 earn some money

6 buy a motorcycle or a nice car

8 maybe rent an apartment (a really nice one)

9 become healthy (have a healthy heart, have a healthy mind)

10 â€˜attemptâ€™ to kill myself first and see […]

8/6/2013 4 comments

sister

by ahannah123 8/6/2013

written by ahannah123

2 weeks ago I told my sister I donâ€™t like boys and that I kind of like girls she said that itâ€™s an abomination to like the same gender and it isn’t â€˜naturalâ€™ and said she was against it and asked why would I even like girls and said if I were to die today I would most likely go to hell (sheâ€™s Christian) she said I need to go to church (Iâ€™m not that religious) she also said if I were to tell my dad that I like girls heÂ would most likely stop talking to me he said heâ€™d rather his daughter be […]

8/6/2013 11 comments

things people say about suicidal people

by ahannah123 8/6/2013

written by ahannah123

I hate it when people say: ‘suicide isn’t the answer, life gets better’…..

(if suicide isn’t the answer then someone plz tell me what the f#ck the answer is

my life isn’t guaranteed to get better believe me my life can get worst )

I hate it when people say: ‘people who commit suicide are cowards’

(people who commit suicide are some of the bravest people yet I bet if people had to put up with half the things suicidal people go through they’d go crazy)

I hate it when people say: ‘don’t kill yourself you have so much to live for’

(some people are poor, homeless, have no family , […]

8/6/2013 13 comments

sometimes

by ahannah123 8/5/2013

written by ahannah123

Sometimes I ask myself why am I here… sometimes I ask myself what is the point of living…. when you have no hopes or dreams , or future who do you turn to? a blade maybe? perhaps a razor? If you cry no one will have to know…if you cut yourself no one will have to see your scars…who am I? what made me the way I am now….why must life bully me? why can’t I be pretty? or rich? how can I tell someone what’s wrong with me…

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

1 I only have 2 friends (well kinda 3 )

2 I have low self esteem (I’m worthless)

3 […]

8/5/2013 5 comments

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