If only I had the power within my hands to end my life with 100% assurance, I feel it would make my life more bearable, it would constitute My Final Hope.
Where the wounded gather and co-mingle, there is often (but not always) a mutual healing.
Please keep yourselves alive, for although your present circumstance might seem helpless and hopeless, it most likely will change for the better, and at least give yourselves the opportunity to cultivate abstract hope in the absence of hope, for this shall help you ride out the hopelessness of a future down cycle.
I am in a circumstance where I must be euthanized before I end up as gravely disabled in the state institution with a Foley catheter (since it would be the least expensive option for the state, and they don’t give a fu*k about my sexuality)Â coming out of my penis for life, and I am only 47.
I have been severely beaten and tortured, by cops, by deputies, by inmates, by psychOtechs, by inpatients, and by myself. Many profound cells and hallways of anguished misery, and some horrible experiences with four-point restraints and injections.
I spend the first half of my life suffering multiple tragedy multiple trauma, then I spend the remainder of my life living in anguish and misery as I heal from the trauma and then end dead before I can ever live a healed life, what’s the f*cking point>?
Not a single one of us chose to be born unto life, not all life is blessing, much of it is curse, and as Buddha might say: life is suffering. Of course, as for myself, I agree with the elders: better never to have been born.
When I was born my mom went into the mental hospital leaving infant me and my three-year-old sister and only sibling under the care of my paternal grandparents, mainly my grandma. I was told my sister used to pull the bottom of my crib out, landing me on the floor where she would then attempt to suffocate me in a box of Kellogg’s Rice Krispies w/the liner. My mom had been going in and out of mental institutions for my entire upbringing and continues in and out of them to this day. When I was almost 13 and my older sister (and surrogate mom) was almost 16, she went to a block […]
Do not use life force to destroy life force. Of course, as in all things, there are exceptional cases–how do you know if you are an exception to a sound principle?
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