I’m not sure what I want to get out of posting here. Someone to talk me out of it, someone to talk me into it. Anything but the middle ground, which I have endured for so long.
I am pushing 30, alone, on disability for bipolar disorder and a host of other useless diagnoses, and I have tried grad school 5 times. I dropped out every time due to nervous breakdowns. I feel nothing but guilt, shame, and self-hatred.
I have had extraordinarily strong suicidal thoughts nearly constantly from the age of 8. I tried to end it 5 years ago as I had command […]