ariusversea

I stared at my wrist today, just like I do everyday. I imagined lines, ugly, scarring lines that ride next to my veins but are too short and faint to be all that noticeable. Too invisible to be important. Or noticed. I wish life was that easy. I wish death was that easy.

2017-02-23

I know that I am unhappy. This is the first time that I write that down. Not even in 3rd grade, when I wanted to hang myself with my favorite scarf because the cooler smarter girls were picking on me. Not even in seventh grade, when I felt so out of place in my own life. Not even in eighth, when everyone I loved let me down. I don’t care that she’s bitching about me or that she’s trying to convince everyone that I am a liar that thinks that she’s better than everyone. Fuck that. I care about the fact that I don’t care. […]

Maybe I should slash my wrist. It’s not like they need me. I should take some pills. And some more, and maybe some more for some good luck. Maybe I should. My cross is upstairs, too far away from me. I can’t really pay attention to music, just the tap tap tap of my keyboard. The tap tap tap of everything that is wrong with me. Everything that is wrong with me doesn’t leave with the pills, instead it’s buried with them at the pit of my stomach and stays there until I’m old and living and successful and happy for it to spring back […]

I was having fun. Making pancakes. With Nutella filling. Singing my song. But then I found it. MY box of markers. Opened, with a few markers that fell to the floor. They took my markers. Used them. Let them fall to the floor. Now one of them is missing. My possessions is missing. MY SHIT IS MISSING. Because no one knows how to keep their hands to themselves. And despite knowing how much I hate it, Mom keeps letting them touch my shit. Just because she can’t say no to them. Just because she lets them do everything they want. Just like when we were […]