Author

blub

Total Alienation

by blub 5/3/2015

written by blub

Today I volunteered at a free kitchen. It was reasonably satisfying.

Now, rather than feeling depressed, I feel alienated at all levels – social, familial, spiritual, material, physical, personal, etc. Everything that previously held meaning for me seems utterly meaningless. Only the avoidance of animal discomforts – cold, hunger, pain, loudness – has any glimmer of motivation; even achievement of animal comforts – warmth, satiety, comfort, quiet – seems irrelevant.

Is this an improvement? I’m not sure.

Is alienation treatable? Also not sure.

5/3/2015 19 comments

On Praying for Death

by blub 4/6/2015

written by blub

I don’t think it’s right to pray for anything you wouldn’t be willing to do yourself. So if you’re not willing to kill yourself, it’s probably not right to pray for death.

That said, I don’t always do what’s right. Sorry, God.

4/6/2015 6 comments

Born into Debt

by blub 3/31/2015

written by blub

Does it seem unfair that most of us are born into emotional debt? Our parents love us from before Day One, and thereafter we can’t unlive, or live unwell, without hurting them – not to mention those whose love we accrue over the following years. Being loved is a blessing, or so I hear, but it’s also bondage.

Sometimes I want to kill myself out of protest, but: 1) even depressed and anhedonic, I know that hurting those who love me is wrong; 2) it’s possible that I chose to be here and accept this debt; and 3) the One I’d be protesting against would likely […]

3/31/2015 0 comment