I’m back to not sleeping. Completely consumed with thoughts of suicide all day long. I’ve purchased the materials needed for my exit. But I continue to carry on. Maybe I’m never going to do it. Im so close though. I don’t want to feel like this anymore. Its been one bad thing after another. And things are reaching a peak. Something is going to happen. And when I finally hit the wall Im ready this time.
I feel like I’m drowning right now. The last few months I have been desperatley grabbing onto anything. Anything at all, just small tiny things to keep me from going under. I’ve been really utilizing denial and distraction. Ultimatley this just sets me up for giant meltdowns. I know what needs to be done. It’s like a splinter in my brain. The outcome is becomming increasingly obvious. If my life was a book or movie, you wouldn’t have to finish it. My life has been a shitty melodramatic indie film. Not the type that wins sundance awards. Just a crappy, badly scripted and acted film. I’ve […]