Prayers for my mother today. She’s going through serious heart surgery, still isn’t done.
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Since starting antidepressants, it’s easier to face challenges in my life. No chalky lungs for a mind. I can take a deep breath and feel like the future holds something warm and deserving if I keep pushing those steps.
I’m not smoking 3 packs a day. I’m not stuck in nightshift. So much has changed, yet it’s hard to give myself any cred. I feel so much better than I did during coronavirus. I noticed that when I stop taking them for a couple days, my emotions crash, and I get a little sobby. I hate that the most when I run out of them.
The world is too troubled, with mountains too high to climb. What’s the point of reaching a summit if you can’t feel the excitement in it. Nothing is appealing anymore. I’ve separated myself from the world in front of me. It’s a wasteland to me now. The thought of leaving makes me glow inside… but feeling this way now… Once I’ve made an exit, will I still feel the same? That’s the hell I’m afraid of. I’ve heard you can’t take your life with you to the other side. And that’s all I want, you know, how it used to feel and how it used […]
I can’t fill this void with enough to conjure memories of where I used to be. I miss the warm souls that made up my life. They’re all gone. All the good things that made me happy. The people I loved, the places, the feelings, it’s never replenished.
It’s been a decade of searching for meaning and a new chapter. I can’t feel happy. It’s a dreadful existence.
and I hate the world around me… I can’t help it. So I tried an antidepressant for a month, I still feel the same, just a bit better. It’s not enough, still. I feel like a dim […]