I quit my job thinking i would be able to make something for myself. of myself. that i would be able to use what i create to support myself. now i see. i cant do this. i cant cope with being alone with my thoughts. i was just on another fucking high. and now i have crashed. i wish i could really see this up down fucking bollocks for what it is… it’s so obvious when i’m coming down, but every time i come up i genuinely believe that this time its forever, everything is better, everything is good. its bullshit. i ALWAYS fall back […]
from the perspective of the proverbial ‘watcher’ my life is pretty perfect, i suppose. I live in a beautiful house with a beautiful man who tells me i’m beautiful. we’re engaged and getting married. . the natural progression of this version of life, to settle down and squirt out children… for the last five years, no for ever, i have thought that i wanted that. to settle and breed… and everything would just make sense when my life was no longer my own. but i am literally in the process of realising that i DONT actually want this, i have but one life and im […]