But at the moment I’m all alone, and that, that is really not good at all. My thoughts take over, they totally engulf me. I’m a prisoner to my own mind. I can’t get out. The things I do, they’re like addictions. I need to, I can’t stop. I’m carrying this darkness around. Trying to keep it hidden under the surface. But one day it’ll break and that’ll be the day I come undone, I’ll really need to go then.
I made the wise decision to spend the night at my girlfriend’s tonight because I know if I don’t I’ll do something stupid. That’s the one thing that’s stopping me from giving up, my girlfriend. I can’t leave her, I can’t bear to see her hurting. She’s my lifeline.
I actually really want someone to punch me. Like when I’m feeling really frustrated and angry I just wish someone would hurt me. I want to feel the solid strike of justice hitting my body, the pain rippling through my body. Punishment for my sins.
I pushed another person away today. I push every fucking person away. I feel like people would be better without me in their lives. I cause nothing but pain and all I want to do is hurt myself. I can’t control my emotions, especially my anger and I just snap all the time. It scares my girlfriend and I wish I could make her life better. The only way I feel I can do that is by ending my life. I don’t want to die but it is what’s best for everyone else. I feel like over-dosing today. I want to but I’m scared. I […]