Death haunts me.
I’ve kids that I am close to and who I see regularly. A faithful and loving girlfriend. A loving family. A great job that I love. People who value me.
No one who knows me would believe the thoughts that I surpress. Â The anxiety I feel cripples me. The emotions that I show are hollow. Guilt and self-loathing haunt me.
What I desire is annihilation. Numbness, which I partly achieve it through secret and not-so-secret drug use (alcohol, anti-depressants, diazepam, cocaine, weed, ecstasy, speed). Too many rely me. The only way I could express my true feelings would be through suicide. I’ve survived suicidal relatives, and cannot inflict […]