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My Last Post

by desperate_soul
written by desperate_soul

Today will be my first and only attempt. I hope it’s going to work. Each day is just getting worse and worse.

 

Good-bye.

 

Or not.

I got everything out, ready to do it. Hell, I even wrote a note to say my farewells. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t bring myself to actually do it.

While I was preparing for my suicide, I had many thoughts running through my head. Too many.

Maybe I’m just too weak.

Thinking about it now, about my plan… I feel I’m just getting myself closer to actually doing it.

The next time will be more successful.

But for now,

Hello.

PS. if anyone has any suggestions on what to do if […]

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Can 2017 actually be worse than 2016?

by desperate_soul
written by desperate_soul

Starting off 2017, many things have already caused me to become severely depressed to the point of numbness… and it’s only the 3rd.

A recap of 2016, give or take:
–I experienced having someone close to me die. And later on, I’ll have a second experience. Both of my Grandma’s gone, just like that.
–I experienced my graduation ceremony.
–I experienced college.
–I experienced independence.
–I experienced reality.
–I realized I had no friends.
–I realized I had no family.
–I realized I had nobody to talk to.
–I realized that life is not going to be any easier.
–I realized that crying is okay.
–I […]

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Days turning into months turning into years.

by desperate_soul
written by desperate_soul

I’m still here. 5 months later from the last time I was severely depressed, and I’m still here. It could be the seasons changing… or it could be something worse, but here I am again… Back to typing away to relieve whatever it is that’s bothering inside of me. My not so secretive journal.

Am I seeking attention for doing this? Maybe. But in the condition I am now, that’s all I’m longing for. I feel so alone.

In reference to Melanie Martinez’s song ‘Dollhouse’, I feel everyone imagines my family as flawless but behind the curtains, we’re flawed in every little way. My mind goes into […]

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What’s The Point

by desperate_soul
written by desperate_soul

What’s the point of pretending to be happy?

What’s the point of living if there’s nothing to live for?

What’s the point of being here if death is inevitable.

What’s the point of crying if nobody cares?

What’s the point of going on with life if i’m all alone?

What’s the point of my presence if I’m just a burden?

What’s the point of still being here?

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My Mind.

by desperate_soul
written by desperate_soul

My mind… Works in mysterious ways. It controls whether I am happy, sad, or mad. It manipulates my body into thinking that there’s danger around me when there’s not… Or is there.

Am I having a panic attack? Do I have depression? Am I having suicidal thoughts? What’s the point of living? Would anyone care if I’m gone? Those, along with many others, are the questions that constantly run through my mind.

My life may seem perfect to people who feel as if their own personal life is miserable. But truth of the matter is… It’s not. I’m not. Honestly, none of our lives are perfect in […]

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