I used to cry at the thought of suicide, but now when I think of it.. Honestly, I don’t know what I feel.
I might move the date up to August, or maybe July. Thoughts?
My brother hasn’t talked to me for over 3 weeks. Not a word. If I fully directed a question to him, he would continue what he was doing as if I hadn’t even entered the room.
And as I’m sure a lot of you have felt and known, being ignored fucking sucks.
He’ll come through the front door and I’ll grin over to him, about to yell out a greeting with an obscenity after it (a thing we siblings do in this family), but he’ll walk straight past me. I wouldn’t give it a thought if he ignored all of us, since he usually is a bit […]
Every time you mention something for the future, I can’t help but stare at you for a few seconds too long.
That night where you came home drunk, crying out that you missed Nanna; I’ll never forget how pained you sounded or how tired you looked. And I won’t forget how both my brother and I sat with you, brushing back your hair and whispering to you how much we love you. I’ll remember that because I know it’s how you’ll react once I’m gone, only this time I won’t be the one who opens the door to a sobbing woman looking for her keys. I […]
I wrote my bucket list today. Can’t wait to put it to action! My favourite ones on there?
‘Flip someone off’
‘Tell a girl who is wearing extra-mini shorts that she forgot her pants’
‘Dance in public’
‘Lip-sync a song with vigour, while in public’
Quite excited. Making a fool of ones self is actually very fun when you have the energy.
I looked outside of my window this afternoon and noticed, as if for the first time, the wooden pillars that hold up a sheet over our patio. My thoughts instantly went to ‘I can buy some rope and hang myself there.’ and I smiled. It’s kind of pretty, it’s right next to a large bush of flowers that grows above our shed.
I think it might be too short for a proper hanging though, so I’ll have to somehow fix it.
It feels nice to have a decision.
My name is Elizabeth. I am 14 years old, and I’ve wished for death for a couple of years, and I’m certain it is the only thing I’ll be able to succeed in this life; I’ve tried not to think about it, but it always comes back. In moments when I’m lonely and when it’s silent, I’ll think of death and how to achieve it. I wish I was normal, that I didn’t have these thoughts. I wish I could have changed the way my mind works, and how it always tells me to ruin things. I’ve lied to everyone I’ve talked to, I’ve insulted […]