Duzzel

What do you do when your death will crush the hearts of your parents?

I’ve been living with them for almost 2 years now, and I love them dearly. I don’t want to make them go through the pain of losing a child…but I just can’t go on, its physically difficult for me to get out of bed in the morning and the pain I’m feeling is so severe I can’t take it anymore. They’re the only thing keeping me from suicide. I don’t know what to do…

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been suicidal. Life’s been hard since birth afterall. I never went through with attempting anything though because there was always the smallest sliver of hope to hold onto. I never stopped to think how pointless it was however. Hanging on to false hope is incredibly cruel to the soul. It only sets you up to be crushed again and again. To fall down back into the pit where you started, and to resubmerge into the continuous pain and suffering that’s all too familiar. Its exhausting.  I’m at my breaking point.