It’s coming up on the big day and for a little while I was actually able to forget about it…found meaning in painting again, in witnessing my younger siblings’ awesome potential and magical ability to just be happy. A beautiful couple weeks without any physical pain. Then everything rushed back in. Can’t paint, can’t write, can’t cook, can barely open doors. Nobody knows what it is and nothing has helped. Undiagnosable pain in my hands since I was 16. Â Nothing makes me feel as hopeless as this. Not knowing that I will never find love with a girl, never have babies or finish school, never […]
All the celebrity backpats in the world are meaningless when your own mother says “I would rather you die than be a dyke” and means it. School was bad enough, everyone knowing somehow that I was a lesbian before I had romantic feelings for any human at all.  I confessed the feelings that make me feel so awful to someone because they said they were the same way…only to find out she was straight and flirting with me was  just a game. She doesn’t get why my feelings got hurt. “it’s like you fell in love with me or something”.  She’s not the reason I’m doing […]