Author

Gloom

i need help

i think about my death every day and i can’t tell anyone

by Gloom 11/22/2025

written by Gloom

antidepressants have been helpful in keeping me alive, unfortunately a side effect of mine is loss of concentration and it’s starting to annoy me, forming my thoughts takes way too long. but regardless, i still want to live, i’ve tried calling my surgery a few times for an appointment to increase my meds. they keep telling me to call at a different time or try again later because there are no slots available. it’s really frustrating, i feel my heartbeat slowing, lungs fill irregularly. i feel like i could sink into my bed for days.

it’s so stupid that i’ve been ruminating on a method for […]

11/22/2025 6 comments

do you think you will ever be normal?

by Gloom 8/18/2025

written by Gloom

will you pass a day without thinking of dying? i don’t think i will.

if i don’t keep this job i need to finally end this, i need to promise myself. there needs to be a solid deadline. i don’t think i can find better work than this, where i don’t feel like a complete outcastst. it’s so hard to hide how i feel, it’s written plainly on my face.

8/18/2025 8 comments

unhuman

by Gloom 5/26/2025

written by Gloom

when i step off that cliff i want to be fearless, i don’t want to be drunk. i can’t be scared of the pitch blackness that will follow, i hope that somehow i will dream forever and this is what heaven is. poison is another option, i’m not confident in identifying this plant though.

i have a customer facing job, i see more way more people than i’m comfortable with. i can clearly see how far gone i am, i do not get your jokes and idioms and references to the human life. i’m nothing and i never want to be anyone. i have achieved that […]

5/26/2025 4 comments

how do you live for yourself?

by Gloom 1/14/2025

written by Gloom

can you be happy if you completely disregard people and how they influence you? can you be confident in living selfishly, without allowing the judgement of others to seep into your mind? i wish to be fearless.

1/14/2025 2 comments

crabs don’t give birth to birds

by Gloom 1/1/2025

written by Gloom

i’m intensely embarrassed that i don’t know how to kill myself, even after so much searching on the internet, if i told someone i’d turn red from the shame. kids have accidentally strangled themselves to death with only their hands for a stupid challenge. this must mean that i’m not motivated enough to attempt, i’m relatively fine if i don’t think about it. another thing i’m trying to ignore. it’s been 6 years since i’ve shared happiness with people, laughed genuinely with someone i could call a friend. i really need to die before i go insane and maybe hurt someone. it’s my worst nightmare, […]

1/1/2025 2 comments

Nothing New, just lonely

by Gloom 12/7/2024

written by Gloom

sometimes it is just too late isn’t it? my social skills can’t be salvaged, so employability is in the gutter. i already knew that. i really want to confide in someone, i want the ability to, it’s like a superpower to me. i wish there were more websites like this, i can’t seem to find anything else apart from the popular one that’s been in the news.

i wish i could telepathically communicate my ideas to people, i can’t get over my barriers. i would be okay with not saying a word for the rest of my life if i could. i have been asleep for years. what’s […]

12/7/2024 5 comments

an album i like

by Gloom 11/25/2024

written by Gloom

i’m back to coping, music like this will be with me. puts my mind to sleep for a month or so.

11/25/2024 2 comments

hiking to oblivion

by Gloom 11/17/2024

written by Gloom

it’s very quiet at this coast, not a lot of people on friday. a few people jump from here every year or so, can’t say how many exactly because their deaths are not always reported, the accidental ones always are though, perhaps they’re more interesting? more valuable?

do you ever talk to someone and so harshly reminded that you’re an utterly inferior human? without them even trying? i go through that a lot. what you feel is what you manifest in the real world right?

reading about these people who “miraculously” survived isn’t very comforting, i believe they must hit rock much sooner and tumbled to the […]

11/17/2024 2 comments

coming to terms with my end, and abandoning art

by Gloom 11/1/2024

written by Gloom

it should come soon (i say for the hundredth time so like who actually cares). this is a new low. i’ve never felt so scared and panicked.

11/1/2024 4 comments

this is natural

by Gloom 10/15/2024

written by Gloom

i’ve been putting this off for a long time because i needed to justify this as rational, and this is hard to believe because all the support i’ve received suggests i’m a freak of nature. i want to be a rational and logical person very badly, i get upset when others are not.

i wish people would say plainly to my face that i’m hopeless. your thoughts are a product of your suffering but this temporary solution is wrong. you are wrong for thinking this way, apparently.

this is the only solution. i don’t want to live with my mental disability anymore. looking around, there is no […]

10/15/2024 10 comments

To Talk

by Gloom 9/21/2024

written by Gloom

I would love to have someone to talk to about my interests, what’s on my mind, to learn about people. to laugh until I’m hurting with someone, I haven’t done that in years. since isolating myself and denying myself stimuli, my personality has flatlined and it feels like my brain is shutting down. i want to learn to speak to people again, it is physically difficult to do. it feels so hard to return to normal, i find it impossible to talk to people my own age (20) because everyone seems so hostile, everyone has this “us vs them” mentality all the time and it’s […]

9/21/2024 11 comments