No matter how much i take, i still wake up
Today is going to be very bad, have snapped
Happened again, caffeine this time would have had more but visitors came so I had to stop, close though. I seem to be lacking a sense of fear now even when my heart hit 200bpm I was not scared. The world seemed to come I’m overwhelming waves of euphoria as well as caffeine I added some oxy, tramadol and seroquel probably evened it out too much. I cannot stop thinking I have never stopped thinking and I always remember I hate it but it’s me I hide it for so long but then I break and I will again it seems an inevitability of me.
I have been depressed most of my life my first suicide was drinking 1lt of disinfectant at 8 years old and countless other poisonings. But recently i have started trying antidepressants but the doses have little effect. I’ve had up to 900g of venlafaxine a day for a few days now with 4g of risperidone with it and if I feel anxious or an attack is coming I can use quetiapine and with weed I am finally feeling better. There’s no confusion, rapid heart rate, sweating nor is there a high. I feel fine til it wears off