haileyp

Ou want me to tell you the pain I’m in now because my past post didn’t justify the reason you I chose to be on this site? Fine. Ever night I think about endin it. Just grabbing my moms pills and shovin them done my throat till I die.
I’m scared of myself because I don’t know my strength. I fear that it will get so bad that my bady won’t be able to take it. I fear the darkness that consumes ever beam of light and leaves me to my own divices. I fear my own mind because it plays tricks on me. Till […]

I have lived a life of what if’s and empty promises. How are you suppose to know what love  is when all you know is hate. I can’t love someone when all they do is bring me down, Obliterate every wall I have built to nothing and drill me with insults. 
You are nothing to me. You have never ment anything to me. I don’t even know how you even found love yourself cause all u are is hate. All you knew was hate. And all we will remember about you is hate. But I don’t feel sorry for you. You brought this on yourself. […]

You would never guess the real me if you saw me walking down the hallway or in public. You would never guess the type of life I lead behind the wall of my room.
You would think I am a happy girl who has good grades and plays sports like no ones business. If you asked my best friend who I am. They would tell you a lie. Because he doesn’t even know the real me.
I don’t even know who I am. Is that even possible? To not know the mind in your own head?
It makes me crazy just thinking about it. I’m […]

Today marks the 6th year my dad has been dead. I was 7 when he killed himself
I don’t know what my dad was like. I struggle to remember his voice. The only good memories I have of him is throwing apples at trains and swimming. But bad memories, I have many. Having to choose between my mom and dad when they had a fight and my mom would leave. Him screaming at the top off his lungs at my mom for being the biggest mistake he had ever made. Him getting arrested for shoving my mom into a wall. Him writing all over the […]

I feel like I’m suffocating, collapsing into the ibis of an endless battle against myself. It never stops. It only covers up itself with a fake smile and a forced laugh. Im screaming but no one hears me. I’m going to explode from the hopelessness, loss of joy.  How does this get better. I just want a answer to why I feel like I’m going to go crazy.
Am I crazy? 
I cry myself to sleep some nights saying please don’t let me wake up tomorrow. Let this be the end of it all.  The loneliness, the fear, the disappointment. I can’t take it.  Should […]